There was a test on the Internet about how moms and children grade each other.
The host asked the mothers to rate their children, and every mother felt that her children had many small problems, irritability, procrastination, picky eating, disobedience... The child can only get 8 points, 7 points, or even 5 points in the end. No mom gives her child a perfect score.
What attitude parents use to treat their children's small "problems" is not a small thing, and will have a profound impact on children. How to view some small mistakes that children inadvertently make, and what kind of attitude parents should deal with these small mistakes, this is actually a big problem in family education.
To figure out how to solve the "little problems" of children, parents should know why children are like this.
In fact, there are no more than these two core reasons:
First, we want to seek autonomy.
Second, ask for attention, and hope that parents will give them a sense of security and belonging.
Parents often make these two typical mistakes:
First, it seems to be taking a baby, but in fact, there is no intention, and people are not in the heart;
Second, deprive the child of independence too much and do not give the child the opportunity to make decisions.
Behind the child's problems are almost all relationship problems.
Mr. Chen Heqin, a famous educator, once said: "Whatever children can do on their own, they should let the children do it themselves, and let the children think of it themselves." ”
This sentence is simply the most reasonable saying for educating children.
Today's parents are either busy with work, ignoring the care of their children, or too spoiled children, do everything for their children, deeply afraid that children will not do well and make mistakes, do not know, this is depriving children of the opportunity to learn life skills, exercise independent ability, but also make the parent-child relationship highly tense. Children will seek the attention of their parents through various forms, or rebel to fight for their independence.
Just as cutting the skin naturally hurts, a child who makes some small mistakes or breaks into trouble, without you saying it, he will also feel embarrassed, feel guilty and bitter. At this time, if parents do not care about the child's psychology, and then put on a face to say some lessons, say some reminders that have already been said, it will only make him feel humiliated and annoyed. In order to maintain his dignity, in order to express his dissatisfaction with your nagging, he may deliberately resist or make a look of indifference.
If you are afraid that the child has something to think about, the parents will consider it all for him, and stare at him without landing, in the long run, this is to help the child. Everything should be allowed to think and do by himself, and make more mistakes in order to slowly learn to do things well.
"Making mistakes" is a compulsory course in a child's growth, and only by practicing a certain amount of "lesson time" can he truly gain the ability to learn from one another, self-reflection, and self-improvement. Parents should understand the value of "negligence", in the growth of children, his "fault" and "achievement" also have positive educational significance.
In the face of the child's mistakes, parents can change the way of criticism, dissolve a bad thing, something that should be angry, into a joke, not only let the child know where he is wrong, but also do not damage his self-esteem, but also implies his understanding, and even hides praise for his certain talent. Such criticism, children are more likely to listen.
Parents do not have to blame or get angry, or even raise them, as long as they do not involve moral issues as long as they do not involve moral issues. The child himself will feel inconvenienced and lost in the process, and he will know what to do later.
Parents also need to give their children a good example, children's behavior is often gradually formed under the subtle influence of parental behavior, so if the child does some "small actions" or "small problems" in daily life, then parents should first examine whether they also have these small problems or small problems in their daily lives. If there is, parents should start from themselves, correct these small actions, and overcome these small problems. Only in this way can children be truly educated to overcome these small problems and small problems.
Socrates' father was a famous master stonemason. When Socrates was very young, once his father was carving a stone lion, little Socrates observed for a while and asked his father, "How can you become a good sculptor?" ”
"Look!" The father said, "Take this stone lion, I'm not carving this lion, I'm just waking it up!" ”
The essence of education lies in this: awakening the soul, stimulating the child's sense of belonging, autonomy and competence, those so-called "small problems", as the child grows, will naturally disappear!