When the child opens his innocent and ignorant eyes, fear and overwhelmed look at the angry you, I don't know if you will turn off the fire in an instant? When your child is seriously playing with the newly purchased toy, and you are impatiently pointing out the correct way to play, I wonder if you will be proud?
Are the "stupid kids" in your eyes really stupid?
Most parents, for the difficulties encountered in the process of their children's growth, always can not put themselves in the position of understanding, always feel that it is obviously a very simple thing, or something that has already happened, why can't the child learn? Why do children still make mistakes?
I believe that recently, everyone has seen on short video apps such as Douyin or Kuaishou that parents teach their children to learn hilarious videos, right? After reading it, it should be laughed at by the parents' angry performance and the child's confused fairy tales, right?
So has anyone pondered the reasons behind this phenomenon? Why don't children teach it so often? Why do parents have a little temper? Is it true that children are too stupid? Or are the parents too impatient? I don't think the problem is that simple!
Parents always stand in the position of adults looking at the problem, to see the problems that the children are facing, and the children are just beginning to contact, the problems that have not been seen before, and it will definitely take time to adapt, but most parents do not have the patience to give them too much time.
Moreover, the current parents and friends, the way they received education when they were young, is also the same inappropriate, which is brought about by the original family, and it is also brought about by the parents who are accustomed to being a parent on the top.
How exactly do parents talk to their children on an equal footing?
Professor Li Meijin once did a survey of 1,000 minors, and found that children who were often yelled at and scolded by their parents at home had the greatest chance of personality defects, 25.7% of children were "inferior and depressed"; 56.5% of children were often "grumpy".
According to the March 2021 Report on the Development of China's National Mental Health (2019-2020), the detection rate of adolescent depression in mainland China was 24.6%, of which the detection rate of severe depression was 7.4%.
These shocking data show that everyone will grow up receiving the wrong way of education, not only because parents have been affected by the original family, but also because of the ongoing parental influence on their children.
What is the child thinking when you are yelling at your child? I remember that on Zhihu, a netizen wrote a sentence that made me very sad to hear it, and I still remember it vividly, he said: "When my parents were angry and yelled at me, I didn't know what they were talking about." ”
Parents' emotional instability will unconsciously vent their emotions on their children, but they have never thought that their children do not actually understand what they are wrong, they will only be frightened by terrible emotions, do not know whether they will be beaten next, and how to avoid being beaten...
Many scientific data also show that children who have been yelled at by their parents for a long time will have irreversible damage to their brains, and even brain volume and intellectual development will be greatly affected!
Do you want your children to be hurt because of their negative emotions? Perhaps most parents, after unable to control their emotions, will regret their behavior, but because of the face problem, parents will let them say more inconsiderate words.
I remember a friend once said to me that she often got angry with the child because the child often tipped over the water cup or juice, but when people were angry, most of them said anything ugly, and afterwards they regretted it, but because of the face problem, they only said: "Okay, don't cry, did I scold you wrong?" Let's go change our clothes! ”
Looking at the child's small back, my friend was very distressed and regretted himself, but he only suppressed these emotions in his heart. I only silently asked her a word after listening, and she immediately burst into tears, and I asked her: "Is your face really so important?" Important enough to hurt your child who was pregnant with a child born in October? ”
Yes, when we first conceived a small life, we always hoped that he would be healthy and healthy, and when we were older, we hoped that he would be happy and happy, and we did not know when we would not only be satisfied with these, but we hoped that he would win the Olympic Prize, the piano exam, and the English export chapter...
How to improve the parent-child relationship?
Having said all this, parents and friends must be very anxious and anxious, not knowing what they should do to be a qualified and emotionally controlled parent.
I always remember a japanese cartoon "Fruit Basket" where Xiao Tou's mother said: "Never forget yourself when you were a child." ”
At that time, I felt very sentimental when I heard this sentence, and I felt that this was a common disease of Japanese animation, which was both sensational and numb, but since I became a mother, I slowly felt that my mentality had changed like all my parents.
Think of when you were a child, whenever your parents lost their temper with themselves, their own nervous mood; whenever they succeeded in their pranks, the slightly excited sense of accomplishment; whenever they were wronged, they felt that no one in the world understood their helplessness...
Thinking in this way, you will truly appreciate the child's mood when you lose your temper with your child, and the child can dare to tell the truth to his parents in the process of growing up, rather than lying and evading responsibility, so that it will be more helpful for the child to grow into a responsible and not timid person.
Back to the beginning of the short video, parents to help their children with homework, is it really a child is stupid? Not really! Each child's growth and development period is different, and his memory and memory time are different, so his ability to accept new knowledge is also different!
Maybe you think your child's language learning ability is great, but mathematically you really want to open his head to see if he is not connected; or maybe you will think that your child is a leather monkey, can't sit still for five minutes, let him write homework is too difficult, you want to take a rope and tie him to a chair...
So, do you really understand the heart of your child? Really looking at things from your child's point of view? Maybe he just lacks practice, maybe he just can't understand? Or maybe he just wants you to accompany him on your homework?
Not understanding the child's true heart, not only can not help the child fall in love with learning, but also let themselves crazy, can not help but hurt the child, and regret what they did afterwards, such a vicious circle, the parent-child relationship is not good, but also the child's physical and mental health is not good.
So, parents and friends, let's start over together, to know that we are all first-time parents, it doesn't matter if we don't do well, it is important that we adjust our mentality, if we can learn more emotional management, be more patient with the problems faced by children, stand more in the child's point of view, think more about his age and his own gap, naturally will be more tolerant, this is also a life practice!
I hope that we can all find a balance point suitable for ourselves in the parent-child relationship, and this balance point will continue to enhance our good parent-child relationship, let the children grow up healthily, and believe that they will one day bloom the most gorgeous flowers!
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