There is a family living downstairs in our house, the husband and wife are white-collar workers, the child is in the fifth grade of primary school, they have moved to our house downstairs for two years, and our family has listened to their children for two years.
Their daughter is called Meng Meng, the husband and wife two at night after work to help the child write homework, can always hear the roar, the husband to help the child homework is good, the wife counseling is almost a roar.
When their family first moved in, they were complained about by neighbors several times because of loud yelling, but the complaints were useless, and after a few days they began to yell at the children, and I thought many times: The psychological quality of their daughter is really strong, if I were, I would probably be able to fight with my mother.
A few days ago someone left a message asking: can you yell at the child, I thought of this couple, when the child is disobedient, the parents lose patience and will indeed yell at the child, this is the common sentiment of people, it can also be understood, but the yelling child really loves the child? Especially often yelling at children, which is a hurt in the name of love, why say so?
Children who are "yelled at" may have these character flaws when they grow up
First, children are easy to become a flattering personality
The sister is a child psychologist, she once received a 15-year-old child with a flattering personality, the sister did not understand why the child suffered from a flattering personality, and later asked many times, the child's parents told the truth.
The child's parents look forward to jackie chan, their requirements for their sons are particularly high, often yelling at the child, the child's homework is wrong to write the roar, the child does not fold the quilt on the roar, at the beginning the child heard their roar, often trembling, the child is very afraid.
In order not to let his parents hate himself, he began to learn to cook, his mother sometimes left work late, he made a good family meal, his parents thought he was not studying well, he forced himself to learn two or three o'clock in the morning, his parents felt that he ate more, he only ate half a bowl of rice, pretending that he was full, and he also suffered from severe anemia.
At first, he just flattered his parents, but later, he began to involuntarily please his classmates and teachers, how did parents find that their children were wrong? Or the child's teacher forgot to bring the textbook one day after school, came back to get the textbook when found that the classroom lights were on, the teacher thought that the last student to go forgot to turn off the lights, did not expect to enter the classroom to see the child alone sweeping the entire class floor.
The teacher feels that the child is not right, some students in the class also said that the child is not right, often please others, the teacher found the parents to talk, the parents know about the child's illness, I have to say, this is really big for the parents.
The sister told the parents that the flattering personality psychologist could not do anything, this still wanted the child to come out on his own, the psychologist could only play a guiding role, the parents heard the sister's words, looked very guilty, and left with the child.
This is the result of parents often yelling at their children, children's psychological endurance is not so strong, they love their parents, hope that parents do not dislike them, will be after the parents yell at them to please their parents, such children are really painful.
Second, children will be insecure
Parents often yell at their children, have a strong desire to control the children, children can not have their own ideas, must act according to the wishes of their parents, such children have no status in the family, they can not have their own ideas, live like a puppet, such children will have no sense of security, they feel that the so-called home is not their own home, they are superfluous, is a puppet.
Third, children will have low self-esteem
I remember when I was a child, I liked to play with mud, and my mother often yelled at me when she thought I was dirty: "You are really a pig, how many times have you told me, don't play with mud, dirty to death."
Listening to this, I began to doubt myself, whether I am really very dirty, my mother said that I am a pig, but this is only once or twice yelling, I am not so relieved, but if the parents have been yelling like this, the child may feel that he is very bad, so he feels inferior, no matter who he faces, he does not dare to look up, nor dare to communicate with people, and the child's social skills will be very bad.
When the child makes a mistake, the parents do not understand the reasoning to the child, the child does not listen, the parent may yell at the child, the parents can change the way to communicate with the child, such as in the form of storytelling.
I recommend this set of "Children's Emotional Management and Character Development Picture Book" to parents in need, this set of books has a total of ten volumes, each volume has a word for parents, so that parents know why children do this, so as to better educate children.
This set of books has a total of ten themes: be yourself, honesty, good temper, know safety, not afraid, can be united, polite, can share, I can do, good habits.
This set of books is designed for children aged 3-6 years old, parents can read books with their children, increase parent-child relationship, and can also use this book as a children's bedtime storybook to let children have a good sleep.
Parents in need can buy this book for their children, which helps to manage their children's behavior and develop a good character for their children.