low
feeling
business
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In the education of the father and mother,
Always want our children to be healthy and happy,
But the cultivation of emotional intelligence is also important for children.
High emotional intelligence baby,
It is closely related to the education of parents!
Some of the behaviors of parents,
Will produce babies with low emotional intelligence.
The cultivation of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence
cultivate
Psychologist Daniel Goleman once said, "Family life is the first school we learn about emotions." ”
So, what exactly is low emotional intelligence? According to Daniel's definition of emotional intelligence, children with low emotional intelligence have these manifestations:
Can't restrain your impulses
There is no ability to delay gratification
There is no ability to motivate yourself
Can't read other people's social cues
Inability to cope with stress in life
Based on relevant research, we can find that parents' behavior often greatly affects their children's emotional intelligence.
So, what habits of parents can lead to low emotional intelligence in children? Let's take a closer look at it with Xiaobian!
The "bad" habits of parents
habit
effect
Parents' behaviors and habits affect the growth of our children, let's talk deeply: which behaviors will cause children's emotional intelligence to become lower!
These parents have "bad" habits
Ignore your child's emotions
Children are small, it doesn't matter if they have feelings, this is the concept of many parents.
They feel that children cannot even be called, an independent individual with his own ideas.
It is most important for children to have their own independent thoughts, not those of their parents. To develop this independent mind, there must be a parent who is willing to listen to the child and truly respect the child.
We often expect our children to have a good temper.
Children can be generous, polite, optimistic and positive, friendly and hardworking. Being able to meet things can adjust their emotions, and people who meet them know how to communicate.
Looking forward to raising a child with high emotional intelligence.
But just look at the children with high emotional intelligence, their parents' emotional intelligence is often very high.
Parents who truly love their children and can empathize with their children often make their children feel the power of empathy.
So, please respond well to your child's emotions.
Discordant conjugal relationships
Parental relationships are not harmonious, and children are often the first to feel it. In "The Boy Says", there is a sixth-grade boy who talks about his parents quarreling.
As soon as the child came on stage, he confessed that his parents were not cute. Although Mom and Dad love themselves very much, the two often quarrel over study issues.
Once, when my parents quarreled, they also mentioned divorce. The word "divorce" is like a sharp knife that deeply pierces the child's heart.
After saying these words, the boy could not cry, and he said to his parents: "If I study well and have good habits, my parents should not quarrel." "The parents in the audience were ashamed and embarrassed.
John. Goldman has observed and experimented with families with children and found that conflict in marriage has a profound impact on children's physical health, emotional health, and social skills.
Conflicting family atmosphere, children do not like to express emotions. Prone to anxiety, introversion, depression.
Husbands and wives can complain when arguing, but please do not criticize or attack each other's personality in front of their children.
Satirizing and belittling children
Bi Shumin said: The growth of children is first of all to confirm their own existence from the pupils of their parents. If even the closest people disregard your dignity and deny your value, then the child will not be able to see the meaning of his existence.
Therefore, there may be many ways to destroy a child, and in public, unscrupulous insults, demeaning, ridicule, crushing and trampling on his face are undoubtedly enough killer skills to be cursed.
Label your child
Adults may not realize that the "timidity", "picky eater" and "clumsiness" that we repeatedly emphasize in our mouths are like labels, which remain in the child's heart and constantly remind him of his incompetence.
American psychologist Beckel said: "Once people are labeled with a certain label, they become the people who are labeled by the label." ”
The parent's label determines the child's direction.
The child is like a blank drawing board, our positive evaluation of the child is to position him, to provide him with a copy of the model, even if he can not reach it for a while, it is only a matter of degree, at least will not make a directional error.
Negative evaluations, like a curse, will push the child to the opposite of beauty.
When we label a child with a "negative label," then that label masks his strengths.
No matter what the child does, teachers and parents consider the child "bad," "bad," and "stupid."
When children do something wrong, how do parents communicate with them? Criticize your child's behavior, not their character or character. When the child shows embarrassment to communicate with strangers: it should be said: You speak louder so that everyone can understand what you mean. Instead of: "How can you be so timid?" ”
Blame and punish the child's negative emotions
He believes that boys should try not to cry and that boys should be educated in a boy's way.
This is also the way many parents are educated now.
They feel that emotions can make people weak. Thinking of negative emotions as a waste of time is of no benefit. They criticize the child's emotions and lack empathy for the child.
Always take "manhood" as the character of boys, require boys to be strong and brave, and not to shed "cowardly" tears.
However, these parents forget that emotions have not been recognized for a long time, and children gradually believe that there is something wrong with them.
This leads to low self-esteem. It's also hard to learn to cope with your emotions. When they grow up, they will be easily knocked down in the face of life's difficulties.
Whether it's a boy or a girl, there's no right or wrong emotion.
Accept all of your child's emotions. But draw boundaries on misconduct, teach children how to adjust their emotions, find the right way to express them, and guide them to solve problems.
After the guidance of parents, children will slowly learn to regulate their emotions.
Goldman's research shows:
Children who have received emotional guidance from their parents have better academic performance, social competitiveness, and happiness than other children.
Ignoring or even resisting children's expression of emotions, their children are not good at adjusting their emotions, and are prone to more negative emotions. These behaviors affect a child's social and well-being as they grow up.
So, as a parent, please give your child a little more patience and gentleness, so that he can slowly learn the rules that should be followed in this world.
Summary:
Pay attention to your child's mood changes
Create a warm family atmosphere
Encourage and support your child's decisions
Don't label your child casually
Reduce accusations of negative emotions in your child
END
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