On the 5th day after the super drunkard and Lulu got married, it was a Sunday, the super drunkard took the car home, it was already more than 9 o'clock in the evening, he was already hungry, and he wanted to eat immediately after returning home, but Lulu and her little daughter Yaoyao were not at home.
So, he called Lulu.
"I'm sorry husband, I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry!" Lulu just picked up the phone and said sorry.
"What are you doing?" asked the super drunkard.
"I'm not doing anything, it's just ......," Lulu stammered.
"What's that?" the super drunkard was a little impatient.
"That's it, that's it...... I...... I'm embarrassed to say. Lulu's voice trembled a little.
"What's that? Say, don't fucking old scalpers eat grass—shit!" the once-cuckolded super-drunkard thought crookedly.
"Husband, I'm ...... I'm really embarrassed to say that I took Yaoyao back to my parents' house today, and it happened that my brother and sister also went home to see my parents, but as a result, I was so happy that I drank too much and forgot that we were married. So, I, I'm not in a hurry to go home, I'm really sorry!" Lulu said, crying with a whimper.
"So that's what happened. Lulu, it's all the fault of the wine, not for you. You wait, I'll pick you up. After the super drunkard finished speaking, he immediately drove to his mother-in-law's house and picked up Lulu and Yaoyao.
Because of the same hobbies, the super drunkard and Lulu lived a small life after getting married, just like the cantaloupe in Xinjiang - sweet and sweet. Especially when they push the cup and change the lamp together, it can be said that the candy seller meets the honey seller - sweet on sweet.
In addition to drinking together, they also have a little romance from time to time, go out to see performances, listen to music, and travel abroad.
One day, after the super drunkard and Lulu finished drinking, they went to watch the dance drama "Liang Zhu" together.
"Liang Zhu" tells a poignant Chinese love story: the heroine dresses up as a man, studies with the hero, is like a brother, and has been a classmate for several years, the heroine loves the hero deeply, but the hero doesn't know anything about it, only the brotherhood. A few years later, the heroine was promised by her family to marry someone else, and when she parted, the heroine borrowed things to express her lyricism, hinting at all kinds of love for the hero, but the hero never understood the amorous feelings. Later, the hero finally learned the truth, regretted it, and died of illness. After hearing the news, the heroine wore filial piety to the grave to pay respects, and finally the heroine and heroine turned into a pair of flying butterflies.
With its main characteristics of grace, atmosphere, beauty and touching, the dance drama has become a famous piece of music that has been moved by the world, and its artistic taste has been praised by the world.
Although Super Alcoholic and Lulu don't understand music, Super Alcoholic booked two tickets in advance in order to express his love for Lulu.
Near the end of the dance drama, Lulu saw Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai both turning into butterflies in the sound of sad music, and suddenly asked the super drunkard: "Honey, do you think they are smeared with lime on their mouths - eat for nothing (idiot)?"
"Why do you say that?" the super drunkard asked rhetorically.
Lulu said: "I heard the teacher say that the life of butterflies is only seven days, why do they want to become butterflies?
"And what have they become?" asked the super drunkard.
"If it were me, I would become the eighth king, the thousand-year-old king and eighty-thousand-year-old turtle, and this ending would be perfect. Lulu said.
Hearing Lulu say that he wanted to become a king, the super drunkard remembered that his ex-wife cuckolded him, so he slapped Lulu's thigh and said a little unhappily: "I don't want to become a king, that is a flute in the toilet - notorious, why do you want to become a king?
Lulu: "So what do you want to change?"
Super drunkard: "If I really want to change, I'll become a wine worm." ”
Lulu hurriedly said, "Then I will also become a wine worm, anyway, as long as I have wine." ”
So, they swore that if they wanted to change, they would become wine worms together.
Another day, after drinking with Lulu, Super Alcoholic went to a cello concert. When he heard half of it, the super drunkard felt that he was kissing through the glass - it was boring, so he asked Lulu, "Honey, when will that person be able to cut that big wooden box?"
Lulu thought for a moment and said, "I'm not sure. Otherwise, let's go first. When he saws it off, the contents of that big wooden box won't be given to us. ”
So, the couple walked out of the concert hall, found another barbecue restaurant, asked for 20 skewers of mutton, and drank beer.
Drinking, for them as a couple, is what it means to be pregnant—it's interesting.
After a few bottles of beer, the super drunkard watched Lulu raise his glass frequently, and felt that he was really happy, so he took a piece of meat from the mutton skewer and fed it to Lulu's mouth.
When Lulu ate this piece of meat, she couldn't help but feel happy, and she asked very gently and very mischievously, "Honey, who else have you fed besides me?" ”
The super drunkard thought for a moment and said, "Feed my dog." The words he replied were Su San's court-absolutely truthful.
Lulu was so angry that she wrung his thighs hard.
A few more beers went down, and the Super Drunkard and Lulu were a little drunk, but no one would admit it.
The super drunkard felt a little sleepy, so he asked Lulu, "Honey, do you know what time it is?"
"Yes. Lulu replied.
"Thank you!" the super drunkard said, lying on the table and falling asleep.
After a while, Lulu fell on the super drunkard and also fell asleep.
Two hours later, they woke up, asked for 4 beers and 10 lamb skewers, and continued to drink.
On one wall of the barbecue restaurant hangs a famous painting "Les Demoiselles d'Avignon" by Picasso, one of the most creative and influential artists in the contemporary West, the founder of the Cubist School, and the Spanish painter and sculptor. The five nude women and a group of still lifes form a composition rich in formal meaning. This incredible painting not only marked a major turning point in Picasso's personal artistic journey, but also a revolutionary breakthrough in the history of modern Western art, which sparked the birth of the Cubist movement.
Many people who came to dine here praised the painting when they saw it.
While drinking, Lulu asked the super drunkard: "Husband, look at this painting of Picasso's "Les Demoiselles d'Avignon" hanging on the wall, everyone says it is beautiful, but why can't I understand it?"
The super drunkard asked Lulu rhetorically, "Have you ever heard a bird call?"
Lulu said, "Yes. ”
The super drunkard asked again, "Does it sound good?"
"That's good. Lulu said.
The super drunkard asked again, "Do you understand?"
"I don't understand. Lulu shook her head.
"That's right, since you don't understand it and think it's good, it's not surprising that people can't understand it and think it's good. As for why it sounds good and why it looks good, let's just shake the shopkeeper's hand - no matter. ”
So, they drank while admiring the paintings.
After a while, one of the innkeeper's cats came to their table, as if to beg for some meat. The super drunkard took out a piece of meat for the cat, and the cat finished eating it and meowed twice at the super drunkard.
"You're a loser—that's good!" Lulu said, touching the cat's head.
The cat wagged its tail and walked away.
"The cat is a tiger in the eyes of a mouse, but in the eyes of a snow leopard, it is a mouse. Said the super drunkard.
"So, what kind of animal is this?" Lulu said to her husband, just like Ma Ji came to Rakshasa Sea City - very curious, staring at him with wide eyes.
The super drunkard thought for a moment, and then replied, "In my opinion, 'and' this animal must be a little bigger than a cat, and a little smaller than a mouse." As he spoke, he also gestured, and that attitude was that he was the master who had to step on an ant to kill and perform an autopsy - extremely serious.
Lulu nodded again and again, she admired her knowledgeable husband like Lu Su and Kong Ming.
At this time, both husband and wife were really drunk.
After settling the bill, the couple helped each other and walked out.
Walking to the door, the super drunkard saw a mirror hanging on the wall, so he staggered over, took a picture for a long time, and then said to the mirror with a puzzled face: "What's going on? This person is so familiar!"
"Let me take a look......" Lulu heard him say this, and also walked over crookedly, took pictures for a long time, and then smiled mysteriously and said: "Bear Dan Ball - you big stupid Dan (egg), why don't you even know your wife?"
After looking in the mirror, they slowly walked out of the hot pot restaurant. Walking and walking, the super drunkard couldn't walk anymore, first sat on the ground, and then kept lying on the ground.
Lulu stepped forward to help him, and he said, "Honey, you don't have to worry about me, I'm walking against the wall, it's very, it's safe, it's safe...... Whole. ”
Lulu heard that it was safe, and she also learned to be a super drunkard, and fell to the ground.
After a while, the couple lying on the ground attracted some onlookers.
"Leave us alone, leave us alone, we're very, safe. The super drunkard was tired, and as soon as he turned over, he waved his hand again and again when he saw the onlookers.
That night, after the super drunkard and Lulu came home, they bathed in the bright moonlight on the balcony of their home, and continued to share a glass of wine with each other.
Suddenly, Lulu spoke: "Honey, I love you so much, I really don't know how I will live without you." ”
The super drunkard paused for a moment: "Honey, are you talking, or is the wine talking?"
Lulu thought for a moment, "It's me, no, it's me talking to the wine." ”
Husband and wife laughing.
The couple also often go to enjoy the flowers together.
One night, they went for a walk on the banks of the Songhua River after drinking, but there was not a single star in the sky, and the flowers in the flower bed were about to fail.
At this time, Lulu felt that she was not in a good mood.
The super drunkard enlightened her: "My dear, on a night without stars, we will blow the stars away as the wind, and on a night without the fragrance of flowers, we will let the rain knock the flowers down." ”
Lulu asked, "What assumptions can we make if there is no wine on a night?"
The super drunkard thought for a moment and said, "Then let the gods punish us!"
They chatted and came to the riverside square.
Selling flowers, selling balloons, selling drinks, selling protective goggles, selling snacks, all kinds of cries are pressing the gourd to float the scoop - one after another, the square is very lively.
On a stage in the middle of the square, a company advertises and sells their latest product, a hangover cure.
In order to increase the popularity of their products as soon as possible, they advertise them in a variety of ways, the most attractive of which is a game called "Back Image Quiz".
The rules of this game are "best-of-three" and require two people to participate at the same time, one of them facing the big screen on stage and the other with his back to the big screen. When the image to be guessed appears on the big screen, the person facing the big screen can use the shape, color, use, scope of application, alias, etc. of the image to enlighten the person facing the big screen, as long as he does not directly say the name of the item, the person with his back to the big screen guesses correctly according to his understanding, that is, he wins a game. After "two wins in three rounds", participants in the game can get two boxes of hangover pills, a total of 24 packs.
Because they both like to drink, Super Drunkard and Lulu are very interested in hangover cures, and after discussing with each other, they both go on stage.
Lulu is in charge of watching the big screen, and the super drunkard has his back to the screen, guessing based on Lulu's description.
The first image that appears on the big screen is a bottle of wine.
Lulu began to describe: "Glass containers, which contain liquids, transparent liquids. ”
The super drunkard immediately replied: "Wine, it must be wine." ”
He is worthy of his glorious title, and he guessed it right at once.
The second image that appears on the big screen is a plate of peanuts.
Lulu began to describe: "One by one. ”
The super drunkard replied, "Soybeans." ”
Lulu went on to describe: "Red. ”
The super drunkard thought for a moment: "Red beans." ”
Lulu went on to describe: "Appetizers. ”
The super drunkard immediately replied, "Peanuts." ”
The third image that appeared on the big screen was a basket of steamed steamed buns steaming hot.
Lulu began to describe: "In vain. ”
The super drunkard thought for a moment: "Alabaster." ”
Lulu went on to describe: "Round. ”
The super drunkard thought for a moment: "Apple." ”
Lulu continued: "You ate it last night. ”
The super drunkard thought about it again, then slapped his chest with one hand, and replied confidently: "Smash Er" (Northeast dialect, meaning breast)." ”
The audience fainted - everyone was laughing out of breath.
According to the rules of the game, Super Drunkard and Lulu "won two out of three games" and were rewarded with two boxes of hangover cures.
On the way home, Lulu suddenly remembered something, so she said to the super drunkard: "Husband, people say that drinking milk can make people stronger, let's order two bottles of milk at home." ”
"Those people are really dream-talking—bullshit," said the super-drunkard, "and that day, I drank five glasses of milk and hit the wall, but the wall, fuck, was an ant shaking the tree—it didn't move. ”
"Really? It seems that milk is really a sorghum stalk as a crutch — it doesn't work. Then husband, what do you say to make our bodies stronger?"
"Of course it's wine, only wine can make people strong!" said the super drunkard very confidently, "That day, I drank 3 bottles of Jinquan Daqu, and before I could push it, the wall left by itself!"
So, Lulu decided to drink more alcohol and canceled the idea of ordering milk.
During the Spring Festival, the super drunkard signed up with Lulu and joined a tour group to visit Thailand.
During the trip to Thailand, the couple had a good time hanging a key on their chest - happy.
The tour group eats in groups, and although there is no alcohol on the table, they go out to drink alone after each check-in to the hotel.
On the last day of their trip to Thailand, the tour group arranged free and easy. So, the super drunkard took Lulu to the mall to buy some things, and then chose a restaurant similar to a Chinese farmhouse to drink.
This yard is full of flowers, it is warm and beautiful.
The super drunkard drank 10 bottles of beer in one go, and Lulu drank 8 bottles with him. At this time, both Super Drunk and Lulu want to go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, there are no toilets in this courtyard, and the waiter of the hotel pointed to the courtyard gate, meaning to tell them that the bathroom is outside.
The couple came to the gate of the hospital and searched for a long time but did not find a bathroom. They inquired about the location of the bathroom, but they couldn't find it due to the language barrier.
The couple are like clockwork alarm clocks - suffocating. Especially the super drunkard, it is already Wang Ba who has checked out - the turtle (suffocated) can't stop it, and he is so anxious that it is like a monkey's butt on fire - round and round.
At this time, a taxi drove up. The super drunkard had an idea and hurriedly waved to stop the car.
After the couple got into the car, due to the language barrier, the super drunkard used sign language to express where he was going. He kept gesturing upwards with his hands, and the Thai driver nodded his head to show that he understood.
Twenty minutes later, the Thai driver pulled them to a fountain in the downtown square.
The Thai driver nodded, drove for another 40 minutes, and pulled them to a mountain on the outskirts of the city, where a waterfall poured from top to bottom with a loud noise.
The super drunkard still didn't see it right, so he had to point his finger to the crotch of his pants and gesture down again.
This time, the Thai driver got up on the fifth watch – he really got it.
After 5 minutes, Super Drunk and Lulu finally solve the problem of internal urgency.
Since marrying Lulu, the super drunkard wants to take her with him every time he drinks outside, but Lulu considers that she has to take care of her youngest daughter Yaoyao, so she usually doesn't drink with him. In this way, the frequency of super-drunkards drinking outside is also greatly reduced. Every day, as soon as the car is collected, he goes home to accompany Lulu. In order to continuously enhance his relationship with Lulu, the super drunkard buys some delicious or fun things for Lulu's youngest daughter Yaoyao every once in a while.
One day, the super drunkard was asked by a private company to accompany a customer to accompany him to drink, and he got drunk again. After the company sent a car to take him home, as soon as he entered the house, he saw Lulu shaking in the kitchen, and a wire around her waist was attached to the electric kettle.
"Oh no, Lulu was electrocuted!" the super drunkard quickly found a thick wooden stick and slammed her to the ground.
The wire attached to the kettle was immediately torn off.
"Oh, my arm, my arm!" Lulu moaned as she lay on the ground.
The super drunkard saw that although Lulu was not electrocuted, he actually broke her arm because he used too much force.
When the super drunkard helped Lulu up, he found that Lulu had earbuds stuffed in her ears, and it turned out that she was listening to the Walkman and dancing to the music.
Just like Li Kui went down the mountain to pick up his mother - the super drunkard regretted it, and immediately carried Lulu to the orthopedic hospital, according to the doctor's arrangement, first took an X-ray, then applied medicine, wrapped a bandage, and hung the injured arm around his neck.
From the day Lulu was injured, three meals a day were made by super drunkards. No matter how busy the super drunkard is every day, when it is time to eat at noon and in the evening, he must find a way to rush home and cook for Lulu and Yaoyao. If you want to drink, you drink at home with Lulu.
When he drank too much, the super drunkard also taught Yaoyao to read and write. That day, he pointed to a bear card and said to Yaoyao with a mouth full of wine: "Girl, come here, read with me, black blind." ”
"Black blind. Yaoyao read alongside very seriously.
He pointed to the bird's card again: "Read it to me, house finch." ”
"House Sparrows. Yaoyao read along.
He pointed to the rabbit's card again: "Mountain jump." ”
"Mountain jump. Yaoyao continued to read.
He pointed to the peacock's card again: "Phoenix." ”
"Phoenix. Yaoyao continued to read.
…………
瑶瑶还经常让超级酒鬼给她讲故事。
那天，喝多了的超级酒鬼正准备睡觉，瑶瑶却缠着他要听故事。 So, the super drunkard began to speak:
“故事发生在春秋，那个春秋时代......”
“你说清楚了，是发生在是春天是还是发生在秋天？”瑶瑶问他。
"I can't remember, it's either spring or autumn anyway, it's certainly not winter and summer. Said the super drunkard.
"I see, you can move on. Yaoyao urged him.
So, the super drunkard continued:
"There is a princely ......"
“猪猴？”瑶瑶很奇怪，“你说清楚，到底是猪还是猴
Huh?"
"Yes, it's a pig, no, no, it's a monkey, no, no......" At this time, the super drunkard's alcohol came up, and his thinking became even more confused, "It's a pig and a monkey, by the way, it's Zhu Bajie and Sun Monkey." ”
"Are you telling the story of 'Journey to the West'?" asked Yaoyao.
"Yes, in the Spring and Autumn Period, Tang Seng was appointed by Tang Taizong to lead three apprentices to the West Heaven to learn scriptures......"
As he spoke, the super drunkard fell asleep.
The super drunkard has more contact with Yaoyao, and the relationship between them is also two pots for Moutai - getting better and better, Yaoyao always calls him dad very sweetly.
One day, the super drunkard drank with Lulu and led Yaoyao out to play.
When they came to an intersection, Yaoyao suddenly pointed to the policeman who was on duty at the intersection and asked, "Dad, what are the police doing?"
The super drunkard saw a police officer doing a breathalyzer test for a driver, so he told Yaoyao, "The police are investigating drunk driving." ”
"Dad, what is drunk driving?" asked Yaoyao again.
"Drunk driving is driving while drunk. The super drunkard replied.
"Dad, what do you mean to be drunk?" asked Yaoyao again.
The super drunkard rubbed his eyes and said, "Look, there are two policemen standing there, and if I see two policemen as four, then I am drunk." ”
"But Daddy," said Yaoyao, "there's only one policeman there!"
"As long as it's not four cops, it means Dad, I'm not drunk. Said the super drunkard.
After that intersection, they came to a food stall again.
The super drunkard saw that there was a filled draft beer, so he took Yaoyao and drank two more glasses.
When they get home, they see Lulu asleep, and the super drunkard plays with Yaoyao.
He watched Yaoyao have a lot of fun by himself, so he turned on the TV to watch his favorite football game. He watched it very devotedly, and shouted cheers as he watched, and his mouth was dry when he shouted, so he said that he wanted to drink water. When Yaoyao heard this, she took a cup and went to fetch water for him.
After a while, the super drunkard saw Yaoyao coming over with a glass of water, just like a sweet spring in the desert - very excited, while quickly taking the glass of water, while praising Yaoyao for not understanding three and not understanding five - that is, understanding four (things).
Yaoyao, who was praised, was very happy, and brought another cup, and the super drunkard drank it all like beer.
In this way, he drank 5 glasses of water sent by Yaoyao one after another.
At this time, Lulu woke up, and the super drunkard hurriedly gave Yaoyao another compliment. When Lulu heard this, she exclaimed: "Honey, you have a paste on your head—you are confused to the top? Can you use a little brain, how tall is Yaoyao? Can she get the faucet to get water for you?"
The super drunkard froze for a moment, and his words to Lulu were like a frog jumping into a well - plopping (I don't understand).
Lulu smiled bitterly and said to him again: "My dear, you should know that Lulu's current height should be about the same as the height of the toilet......
When the super drunkard heard this, he almost spit out all the 5 glasses of water he had just drunk.
As the saying goes, it takes a hundred days to break your muscles and bones. After more than three months, Lulu regained her health under the careful care of the super drunkard.
The recklessness of the super drunkard can be said to be the killing of a rabbit with a shotgun - crooked: although he broke Lulu's arm, he unexpectedly sweetened her heart. For more than three months, Lulu has fully experienced her husband's love for her through the actual performance of a super drunkard.
——This is the thirty-first chapter of Mei Yuan Yuexue's novel "Super Drunkard": The happy life of a super drunkard after remarriage.
The novel "Super Drunkard", with very distinctive language and extremely exaggerated techniques, tells the legendary drinking life of a super drunkard who was born for wine and died because of alcohol. Those drunken stories are indispensable spiritual medicine for your pursuit of longevity.
"Super Drunkard" is a pure entertainment and pure comedy work, without any bad direction.
"Super Drunkard" is based on relevant articles, reports, jokes, and even his own experiences that he has seen, heard, and searched on the Internet.
(The picture is selected from the Internet)