Share a revelation that after my father left, the house in my hometown was locked for eight years. It was when I left my hometown, I glanced at it, the lock at the door felt a little rusty, but I didn't think much about it, I just wanted to get on the road quickly.
I walked over and took out the key to unlock the door, and a smell of dampness came to my face. I hesitated, then walked in and sat on the couch for half an hour.
This house was built by my father, and he was reluctant to give it up. On that day eight years ago, the day he left, I refused to admit that he had left me and let the house remain his forever.
There was a sigh behind me, and I turned around, it was my mother. She stood in the doorway, her eyes complicated. We looked at each other for a moment, and then she walked in and sat down next to me.
"What do you want to say?" I asked her in a calm tone.
"I always thought you would come back. Her tone was full of disappointment and grievance.
I didn't know what to say for a moment. Yes, all these years I have always run away from memories, from everything in my hometown.
"I'm not running away. I whispered, "I just don't know how to deal with it." ”
"Against what?" she suddenly became agitated, "home, father, or yourself?"
I was stunned and didn't speak.
"Your father doesn't want you to run away all the time. She continued, "He wants you to give up everything for him, but he doesn't want you to live like this forever.
I was silent, her words full of bitterness and distress. I knew she was doing it for my good, but I didn't know how to deal with it.
"I know you can't forget him. She patted my hand gently, "But, you can't let yourself stand still.
My mom stood up and prepared to leave.
"Mom, wait a minute. I suddenly said, "I'll be back, I'll take good care of this house, and I'll take good care of myself."
She looked back at me and smiled reassuringly. Then, she turned and walked out the door.
In the past eight years, I seem to have lived in the past, living too much in memories. I should learn to let go and face the unbearable past.
My father's loss taught me that running away is not the answer, nor will it make me better. Facing is the only way out, and it is also the best way for him to be comforted in the heavenly spirit.
I decided to clean up the house and open all the doors and windows to let the sunlight and fresh air fill this once constrained space.
I began to pick up the rhythm of life again, and I also got back in touch with old friends I hadn't seen for a long time, and gradually I was relieved.
However, new contradictions have crept in.
One day, I received a phone call out of the blue. It was my sister, and she had a grievance in her voice on the phone.
"Do you know?" said my sister in a crying voice, "Mom has been angry lately, she said that you are not sensible, you don't know how to take care of her, and you only care about living alone."
My heart tightened, I didn't know that. My mother has always been an independent and self-reliant person, and she used to take care of our whole family when my father was alive, and I always thought that she understood me all these years, and I didn't take much care of her.
"She hasn't been in good health lately, and the doctor said she needs to rest more, but she insists on doing the housework herself and taking care of her grandmother.
My sister on the phone said a lot more, but I didn't listen. My mind was a mess, and I knew I couldn't leave it alone.
On my first night back home, I sat with my mother. She struggled to fold my grandmother's clothes, and I walked over and gently helped her get them.
"Mom, I'm sorry, I'll never let you bear so much on your own again. I said in a very sincere tone.
She froze, then smiled reluctantly.
"Silly boy, I'm already happy that you're back. She looked at me tenderly, "I know you've always looked out for us, but there are some things I don't know what to say.
I put my arms around her, "From now on, we will face it together and share it together." ”
However, since then, I have found that the conflicts at home have not gone away. My mom and I still had a disagreement over some small things, I wanted to help her with the housework, but she always wouldn't let me touch it.
"You have to trust me, I'm not distrusting you. My mother said to me, "It's just that I'm Xi to living alone, and before I know it, I've become selfish."
I understood what she meant, but I was inevitably a little unhappy. Maybe it's because I've been expecting too much from her, but not understanding enough.
The contradictions in the family seem to be just trivial trivialities, but the inner conflicts are thready. I know that I can't avoid it all the time, the contradictions need to be faced, and the family relationship also needs to be carefully managed.
After that day, I regularly went back to my hometown to take care of the house. Slowly, I began to get used to the process and discovered my own revelations about life in that watchful space.
I couldn't help but feel uneasy.
I walked into the house and found one more person in the living room. It was a middle-aged man with a haggard face, looking a little haggard.
He raised his head, a hint of tiredness in his eyes, "I'm a relative of your father, come and see this house." ”
I was stunned, and a puzzle rose in my heart, "Father's relatives? ”
He smiled mysteriously, "yes, I haven't had much contact in years. However, I heard that there is something interesting here, so I stopped by and check it out.
I was speechless for a moment, and then advised him, "There is nothing worth visiting here, please leave."
He looked at me and smiled contemptuously, "This house is yours, and what qualifications do you have to give orders to me?"
I felt a wave of anger in my heart, "This is my father's house, and I have a responsibility to keep it." ”
Suddenly, he smiled at the corner of his mouth, reached out and picked up an old photo on the table, which was a photo of me and my father, and he raised it, "Your father's things are also yours, and what qualifications do you have to grab from me?"
I was a little angry, "What are you talking about? This is my father's, it's my family's. ”
But he threw it in front of me defiantly, "Then what do you have the ability to do with me?"
I was furious and tried to push him, but he dodged and the two of us became entangled for a while. The room was filled with the chaos of fighting and angry shouts.
I stopped, bent down and picked up the letter, which my father had written to me. I gathered my mind and opened the envelope.
In the first sentence of the letter, the father wrote: "My dear child, if you get this letter, it means that there are things that I cannot explain to you.
My eyes darkened, and I looked up at the middle-aged man, who also looked a little embarrassed.
"This is what your father left me. His tone was a little low.
I slowly put down the letter and had a glimmer of realization. My father may have left me more than just this letter.
This letter may have revealed a long-dormant family secret, and I gradually realized that the reason why my old house was locked up eight years before my father's death may be in this letter.
I sat alone at home for a while, with a lot of thoughts. Mom's words made me feel guilty, I shouldn't keep running away from the past, I should be brave enough to face the reality.
The room was back to its former glory, and I was gradually relieved.
Before I knew it, it was evening, and I decided to go out to blow the wind, so I locked the door and walked outside. As soon as I left the gate of the community, a familiar car stopped in front of me.
"Why is it so coincidental, what are you doing here?" Xiao Liu asked with a smile.
"My family lives here, and I grew up here. I smiled and replied.
"Really? Then we haven't seen each other for many years, why haven't you ever mentioned it?" Xiao Liu was a little surprised.
"Some of the past is reluctant to recall. I sighed softly.
"I understand, the day I lost my loved one, I realized the value of family affection. Don't blame me for being nosy, it would be better for you to go back and see during this time.
I listened quietly and mumbled.
Looking at the back of Xiao Liu's car in the distance, a trace of inexplicable sadness welled up in my heart. Should I stay?" I hesitated, and then walked back.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and stepped inside.
This time, instead of sitting still, I started tidying up the house. Throw away expired food, cook a pot of soup, wipe down furniture, make beds...... These simple movements make me feel more at peace.
Suddenly, a letter fell from the shelf, and when I picked it up, it turned out to be a letter from my father before his death.
The next day, I went to my father's grave alone. During the Qingming season, it has always been my wish to accompany my father. Standing in front of the grave, I bowed deeply to my father, and the stone in my heart was finally able to be put down.
Now, I decided to stay in my hometown and take good care of the house and take good care of myself. Never run away again, never let yourself sink again.