The lore of the ambiguous relationship between men and women: "ineffective care"

What a joy

2024-06-20 19:10Posted in Shandong Emotional Field Creator

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What is "ineffective care"?

It also took time, effort and cost, but the things you paid for didn't help you advance your relationship.

The two people who give and are given feel uncomfortable.

The giver thinks: Why do you care about you and you snub me so much?

The person who was paid felt: I don't need what you paid at all, and I owe you a favor in vain.

Why is ineffective care annoying?

First of all, you pay for something that the other person doesn't need at all.

Secondly, your ineffective pay, but also let the other party "passively owe favors", but also give you back.

In the end, the other person doesn't like the way you care about them.

What are some common forms of "ineffective care"?

First: perfunctory response

You say to the other person:

"When I got the injection today, I saw a bird."

The other party didn't think about it, and replied to you directly:

"What bird?"

What do you really need?

I hope the other person cares about you: "Are you sick?" Why injections? Is it restored now? ”

In the dating stage of men and women, this kind of ineffective care is the lore of ambiguous relationships.

The other party can't see your needs, can't see your emotions, and doesn't give you back as much as you have paid for him.

Such a relationship is destined to not have a good outcome.

Second: Self-moving care (low-cost care)

Some people often fall into the trap of "self-touching".

"I obviously care about TA every day, and I shush TA and ask for warmth, why doesn't TA appreciate it?"

However, what he gave was:

"Drink more hot water, go to bed early, have you eaten, have you rested, are you tired, do you want me to massage you?" Do you want me to pick you up? Do you want me to treat you to dinner? ……”

This kind of concern is meaningless and does nothing to advance the relationship.

These low-cost cares, every day in front of the phone, against the AI, you can get a loyal "network partner" according to your preset template to care about you.

There is an unspoken rule in the relationship between men and women:

In online chatting, if you say 100 words to each other, 1000 nice words, it is not as meaningful as meeting and hugging once.

All the "miss you, drink more hot water, have you eaten, have you rested ......" is not as effective as a meeting.

In other words: the other party does not need this kind of "verbal commitment and concern".

This is true for both men and women.

I hate drawing flatbread, I hate ethereal promises, I hate sweet talk.

Third: what you give is not what the other party wants

Again, it comes back to that old topic.

The other party likes to eat oranges, but you just bought a box of mangoes and sent them over.

But you don't know, the other party is allergic to mangoes, and when they see mangoes, they subconsciously resist and stay away.

You imagine this behavior of the other person as their disgust with you.

That's ineffective care.

What you give, the other party doesn't like and doesn't need;

Seeing the other person's attitude, you fall into anxiety and sadness again.

Even if you care and give, it still doesn't work.

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How to provide "effective care"?

In addition to the relationship between parents and children.

Whoever you deal with, it has to do with two needs.

First: emotional socialization (including emotional value, favorability, empathy)

Second: Utilitarian social (win-win relationship, ability and resources, material and money)

To put it another way:

What is your relationship with the other person, whether the other party likes you, is willing to associate with you, and how long you have known each other has nothing to do with half a dime.

It's just about whether you can provide the other person with "emotional or utilitarian social" attributes.

The reverse is also true.

From your own point of view, what kind of people will you be friends with?

What type of relationship will you have with the opposite sex?

The core is still an emotional or utilitarian attribute, isn't it?

Understand this logic and then provide effective care.

This applies both to the ambiguous stage of a man and a woman or to when you are in a social relationship.

First: Understand the other person's needs

Know yourself and know your opponent, and win all battles.

You have to try to understand the other person, understand what the other person really needs?

TA is not short of money, more money than you, you don't start with material, you have to play the emotional card;

TA does not lack love, there is no lack of emotional value, then you start from the perspective of "win-win interests".

The cup is already full of water, and even if you pour more water, it will overflow, and there is no point;

The water in the cup is almost bottoming out, and it only makes sense for you to pour the water into it again.

What you pay must truly meet the needs of the other person.

Even if you don't pay much, as long as you reach the satisfaction of the other party, your person's favorability will go up instantly.

Second: Provide "practical care" rather than pies

For example:

A friend tells you, "I'm 35 years old, I'm unemployed, and I don't know what to do next." ”

What does he need? How many ways do you answer at the moment?

Listening + praise and support + providing emotional value = psychological comfort to be seen with the heart.

Accompany each other to a meal, have a drink + listen + offer help (recommended work) = realistic help.

Which answer is invalid care?

For example: "There are many people who are worse than you, you are lucky"

"It's okay, it's a big deal to start all over again"

"It's okay, it's time for a holiday"

Understand the needs of the other person first, and then provide care.

Whether it is a relationship between men and women, or an interpersonal relationship, the core of effective care is:

“1+1>2”。

Seeing each other first, and then providing effective emotional or social attribute support, is the best way to get along.

Topic:

Have you ever received an "invalid concern"?

Author He Suohuan:

Focus on the analysis of gender emotion, marriage and family, character growth, social relationships, etc., follow me to bring you more knowledge.

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