A few days ago, I saw a post in the circle of friends: "Middle-aged couples, no matter how deep the relationship is, they can't do the following foolish things." "I thought it would be some cliché marriage advice, but I didn't expect to click on it and hit my pain point. As a middle-aged man who has been married for more than ten years, I can't help but fall into deep thought.
Let's take a look at what minefields middle-aged couples can't step on.
1. Don't think that "the child will be fine when he is older"
@大头爸爸: My wife and I both feel that when our children go to college, we will be liberated. As a result, the child did go to college, and we were even more tired. Either worry about tuition fees, or worry about whether your children will learn badly outside. Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, I have to secretly see what my child's circle of friends has posted.
I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this message. Isn't this a true reflection of my family?
I remember last year when my son just started college, my wife and I were so happy. I thought: I can finally live in a two-person world! But unexpectedly, it didn't take long for us to realize that we were wrong.
Not long after my son started school, he called and said that he couldn't pay the tuition. When I heard this, I was confused: "Didn't I call you?" He stumbled, "That... I saw that my classmates were buying new phones, and I ......"
When my wife heard this, she exploded, and she couldn't wait to fly over and beat her son violently. I hurriedly stopped her: "Don't don't, the child is an adult now, we have to be reasonable." "
As a result, this "reasoning" was preached from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. The next morning, we went to work with two panda eyes, and the discussion continued on the way: "Do you want to get a supplementary card for your child?" "And what if he spends money again?" "What about the monthly limit?" ......
At this moment, I realized that raising a child is really an endless story!
2. Don't think that "there is no need to maintain emotional stability"
@知足常乐: After 20 years of marriage, I think the relationship between husband and wife is like an old house, it doesn't need much decoration, just live in it. Who knew that some time ago, my husband suddenly said that he wanted a divorce, saying that we had no feelings anymore. That's when I realized that we hadn't communicated well for a long time.
The experience of this netizen made me gasp. Thinking about it carefully, did my wife and I also go to this state of "old husband and wife"?
I remember last year's wedding anniversary, I had planned a romantic dinner. As a result, the company suddenly worked overtime that day, and it was almost 12 o'clock when I got home. My wife had already slept, and there was a plate of cold dishes on the table.
I felt guilty and wanted to make it up to her the next day. But early the next morning, we had a fight over who should send our children to school. For the next few days, we didn't talk properly.
Until one day, I accidentally saw that my wife's mobile phone screensaver was still a photo of us when we were young. At that moment, I realized: how long has it been since we have laughed as happily as in the photo?
Since then, I have consciously created a world of time with my wife. Even if it's just a walk together and a chat, our relationship is slowly heating up.
3. Don't pin your hopes for the rest of your life on your children.
@失落的中年: My wife and I have always felt that as long as our children are promising, our lives will be worth it. So I desperately give my children the best education and save money for themselves. As a result, the child was admitted to a good university and found a good job, but we suddenly didn't know what to do, as if life had lost its direction all of a sudden.
Seeing this message, I couldn't help but fall into deep thought. How many middle-aged parents have completely pinned their life value on their children?
I have a small family, in order to let my children go to a better school, the couple scraped together to buy a house in the school district, and every month to pay off the mortgage will cost most of the salary. The child's grades are indeed good, but the two of them seem to have overdrawn their lives.
At one party, his wife said to me, "When my kids go to college, I'll quit my job and travel the world." I asked her, "Do you have any plans?" Where are you going? She was stunned for a moment and said, "I haven't thought about it yet, anyway, I'll talk about it then." "
When I heard this, I was shocked. If you pin all your hopes on your children, what about your own life? Do you really have to wait until you are old to start planning your life?
Fourth, don't "hold on for the sake of face"
@倔强的小红帽: My husband and I sometimes quarrel, but we don't want to bow our heads first. Even if you know you're wrong, you have to hold on. As a result, the family often did not speak for several days, and even the children did not dare to speak.
My wife and I have experienced this situation a lot. I remember one time because of a trivial matter, neither of us would admit our mistakes, and we didn't speak for a whole week.
Until one day, my son suddenly asked me, "Dad, are you and your mother going to divorce?" When I heard this, it was like a bolt from the blue. Only then did I realize that our stubbornness not only hurt each other, but also caused a lot of psychological pressure to the children.
Since then, my wife and I have made three chapters: it's okay to quarrel, but you can't go more than 24 hours without talking. Even if you can't figure it out for a while, you must talk about the scene first to give your child a sense of security.
5. Don't think that "you don't need to plan for the future when you are middle-aged"
@迷茫的中年人: I always feel that at this age, life has been set. I get to and from work at 2 o'clock every day, and take my children to see extracurricular classes on weekends. Suddenly, one day, I realized that I had lost hope in life.
I relate to this feeling so much. Once upon a time, I also fell into the inertia of this life, and I didn't know what I was living for.
Until last year, I attended a high school reunion. Seeing former classmates, some have successfully started their own businesses, some have changed careers to become chefs, and some have quit their jobs to travel the world...... It dawned on me that there are so many possibilities in life.
Since then, I have started to replan my life. I enrolled in a psychology course, volunteered on weekends, and made travel plans for retirement with my wife.
Life suddenly took on a new color, and we had more topics in common.
In closing, I would like to say that a midlife crisis is not terrible, what is terrible is that we have lost the courage to change.
Marriage needs to be managed, and life needs to be planned. No matter how old we are, we should maintain our enthusiasm and anticipation for life.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? Or is there a unique way to bond with you? Feel free to share your stories and opinions in the comments section. Maybe your experience will inspire others!