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#长文创作激励计划#在我们的社会中, there is a painful and thought-provoking phenomenon: in many families, the relationship between parents and children, which should be the most intimate between parents, eventually breaks down, or even evolves into a state of hatred for each other. Why is that?
Let's first go back to the traditional Chinese family cultural background. In the past, the concept of patriarchy was deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, and parents often had absolute authority over their children.
For example, in a traditional family, the father is the head of the family, his decisions cannot be questioned, and the children must obey unconditionally. Children are instilled from an early age to be filial and obedient, and personal wishes and needs are often ignored.
There is a child named Xiaofeng who loves painting and dreams of becoming a painter. However, his father thought it was a bad job and forced him to apply for a finance major. Xiaofeng's heart was full of pain and helplessness, and he had a deep resentment towards his father's arbitrariness.
With the changes of the times, modern society emphasizes individual freedom and independence, and children have begun to pursue the realization of self-worth.
Conflict inevitably arises when this new concept collides with traditional parental authority.
For example, a girl named Huihui wanted to start her own business after graduating from university, but her mother thought it was too risky and insisted that she take the civil service exam and find a stable job. Huihui is unwilling to give up her dreams, which leads to a fierce quarrel and cold war between the mother and daughter.
From the perspective of education methods, some parents pay too much attention to grades and material giving, and ignore the psychological needs and emotional companionship of their children.
For example, Xiao Ming's parents enrolled him in various tutoring classes in order to get him into a good school, but they rarely had time to sit down and communicate with him about his inner thoughts and feelings. Xiao Ming felt lonely and depressed in a high-pressure learning environment, and his relationship with his parents became more and more estranged.
In terms of communication, the lack of effective communication is also an important reason for the deterioration of the parent-child relationship.
Some parents are accustomed to speaking to their children in a commanding and accusatory tone, and are unwilling to listen to their thoughts and opinions.
For example, Xiaohui was bullied by his classmates at school and went home to confide in his parents, hoping to be comforted and supported. But his parents only blamed him for being too weak and didn't fight back, and Xiaohui felt extremely disappointed and sad.
The instability of the family environment is also a factor that cannot be ignored.
For example, frequent quarrels between parents and even divorce have brought great psychological trauma to children.
A child named Xiaoyu lives in a family where her parents have been arguing for a long time, and she feels scared and uneasy every day. When she grew up, she was full of resistance to her family and parents.
Thinking in terms of social pressures, modern society is highly competitive, and parents often impose their own unfulfilled dreams and expectations on their children.
For example, Lao Zhang himself did not have the opportunity to go to college when he was young, so he pinned all his hopes on his son and asked him to be admitted to a prestigious university. Under this heavy pressure, the son was out of breath and developed an aversion and resistance to his father.
In the process of personal growth, children gradually awaken their sense of self, and they yearn to be free from the shackles of their parents and pursue independence and autonomy.
Parents often struggle to adapt to this change and still try to take control of their children's lives.
For example, Xiaomei's parents always interfere in her dating and love, and they have to judge her every choice. Xiaomei feels that she is not respected, and the conflict with her parents is getting deeper and deeper.
From the perspective of economic factors, some families may have conflicts and disputes due to financial problems when they are in financial difficulties.
For example, Xiao Wang's job is unstable after graduation, his income is low, and his parents complain that he has no income and cannot share the financial pressure for the family. Xiao Wang believes that his parents do not understand his efforts and predicament, and the parent-child relationship has become strained.
When we think more about this question, we can find more reasons behind it.
From the perspective of cultural inheritance, traditional Chinese culture emphasizes the integrity and continuity of the family, but in modern society, individual values and lifestyles have changed dramatically.
Children may have embraced more Western individualistic ideas, which conflict with traditional family values.
For example, after Xiao Li studied abroad, he returned to China and found that he was incompatible with his parents in many concepts and could not integrate into the original family environment.
From a psychological perspective, parents may have experienced trauma or setbacks in their own upbringing, causing them to have an unhealthy mental pattern when educating their children.
For example, Ms. Wang was often criticized and denied by her parents when she was a child, and when she grew up, she unconsciously treated her children in the same way, causing psychological damage to the children and tension in the parent-child relationship.
Judging from the influence of public opinion and neighborhood comparison, some parents are too concerned about the opinions and evaluations of others, and pass on this pressure to their children.
For example, Mr. Zhao always compares his own children with the children of the neighborhood, and feels that his children are not as good as others, which makes the children feel inferior and angry.
From the perspective of generational differences, people born in different generations have experienced different social environments and historical events, resulting in great differences in thinking styles and attitudes towards life.
For example, Lao Chen has experienced hard years and developed the habit of thrift and thrift, while his children were born in an era of material abundance and have completely different consumption concepts, which are easy to cause contradictions and conflicts in daily life.
In short, the deterioration of the relationship between parents and children is not the result of a single cause, but the result of the interaction of multiple factors.
Improving the situation requires the joint efforts of both parents and children.
Parents should learn to respect their children's individuality and choices, adjust their own education methods and expectations, listen to their children's voices, and give them adequate care and support.
Children should also understand their parents' starting point and growth background, try to communicate effectively with their parents, and express their thoughts and feelings.
Only in this way can the parent-child relationship return to a warm and harmonious track and avoid becoming each other's enemies.
As we continue to delve deeper into this complex social phenomenon, we can gain a deeper understanding from the following aspects.
From the perspective of uneven distribution of educational resources, in some areas, high-quality educational resources are scarce, resulting in huge pressure on children to go to school.
Parents do not hesitate to invest a lot of time and money in order to give their children better educational opportunities, and at the same time, the requirements for their children have become more demanding.
For example, in a small town with relatively scarce educational resources, Xiao Zhang's parents even borrowed money in order to enroll him in an Olympiad tutoring class. However, Xiao Zhang's grades did not improve significantly under the huge pressure of studying, and his parents felt disappointed and angry, and Xiao Zhang also felt that he had failed his parents' expectations, and the relationship between parents and children became tense and depressed.
Thinking from the perspective of the conflict of values brought about by social changes, information in modern society spreads rapidly, and various trends of thought are surging.
There is often a huge gap between the traditional values that parents adhere to and the new ideas that their children are exposed to.
For example, when it comes to career choices, parents may believe that a stable job within the system is the best option, while their children are more inclined to pursue a new industry they love because of the wave of Internet entrepreneurship. This conflict of values, if not properly handled, can easily lead to the breakdown of the parent-child relationship.
Judging from the ambiguity and dislocation of family role positioning, in some families, parents do not clarify their roles as guides and supporters, and excessively interfere in their children's lives; And the children do not find their own place in the family, and lack understanding and respect for their parents.
For example, Xiao Wang is an adult, but his parents still treat him as a child and have to make decisions for him. Xiao Wang felt that he was not treated as an adult, and he developed a strong rebellious psychology and had a fierce conflict with his parents.
From the perspective of different stages of psychological growth, parents and children have different psychological needs and concerns at their respective stages of life.
When these needs and concerns don't fit together, it's easy to contradict each other.
For example, children crave independence and exploration during adolescence, while parents may be facing work pressures and life chores, and cannot give their children enough understanding and space, which can lead to parent-child conflict.
From the perspective of the lack of social support system, some families lack effective external support and mediation mechanisms when there are problems in the parent-child relationship.
For example, schools and communities do not provide corresponding psychological counseling and family counseling services, so that conflicts between parents and children cannot be resolved in a timely manner, and continue to accumulate and worsen.
From the perspective of individual personality and emotion management, the personality characteristics and emotional management skills of both parents and children will also affect the parent-child relationship.
If the parents are too strong and impatient, or the children are too sensitive and stubborn, it is easy to have misunderstandings and conflicts in communication.
For example, Ms. Liu has a short temper and gets angry when the child makes a mistake, and the child is in fear and tension for a long time, and has a deep fear and resentment towards the mother.
In summary, the deterioration of the relationship between parents and children is a complex social problem, involving educational, cultural, psychological, social and other aspects.
Solving this problem requires the joint attention and efforts of the whole society to create an environment conducive to the healthy development of parent-child relationship.
For example, schools have strengthened mental health education and parent-child communication courses, communities have carried out family relationship counseling activities, and the media has disseminated correct family education concepts.
Only when we truly understand and pay attention to this issue can we make more families full of warmth and love, and avoid becoming enemies between parents and children.
When we further expand our thinking about this phenomenon, we can also analyze it from the following new perspectives.
From the perspective of social mobility and class differences, with the development of society, the social class and economic status of different families vary greatly.
Parents often want their children to make the leap and live a better life, but this expectation may be beyond their children's capabilities.
For example, a child from a poor rural family is expected to excel in the city, but he feels powerless in the face of huge competitive pressures and resource gaps, and conflicts arise between parents and children because they cannot meet their common expectations.
From the perspective of the influence of the Internet and new media, today's children are profoundly influenced by the Internet and new media in the process of growing up.
The variety of information and values in the virtual world shocks their minds, in stark contrast to the traditional ideas that parents follow.
For example, the open and pluralistic concepts that children are exposed to on the Internet collide with the conservative and traditional concepts of parents, resulting in differences between parents and children in terms of lifestyle and moral concepts.
From the perspective of changes in family structure, in modern society, various family structures such as nuclear families, single-parent families, and restructured families coexist.
Different family structures have different effects on the parent-child relationship.
For example, in a single-parent family, children may have psychological problems due to the lack of love from one parent, and their relationship with the other parent may be more sensitive and fragile.
From the perspective of changing perceptions of gender roles, traditional perceptions of gender roles are being challenged in modern society.
Parents' expectations of their children's gender roles may not be consistent with their children's own perceptions and pursuits.
For example, a girl who wants to work in a profession that is traditionally considered male-dominated and her parents find it inappropriate can lead to parent-child conflict.
From the perspective of psychological anxiety caused by social competition pressure, the fast-paced and high-competition in modern society have brought great psychological pressure to people.
Parents pass on this anxiety to their children, demanding too much from them, and children are prone to rebellion and avoidance under this pressure.
For example, in order to make their children stand out from the competition, parents enroll their children in various training classes and interest classes, and the children have no time for rest and entertainment, and are full of resistance to their parents' arrangements.
In short, the deterioration of the relationship between parents and children is a multidimensional and deep-seated social problem.
To improve this situation, we need to start from many aspects, including improving the educational environment, strengthening social support, promoting cultural exchanges, and improving the psychological quality of individuals.
Only in this way can we make the family a warm haven where the relationship between parents and children is filled with love and understanding, rather than hatred and antagonism.
In the days to come, I hope that every family can find their own way of harmony and make the parent-child relationship the most valuable wealth in life.
When we further explore the phenomenon of deterioration of parent-child relationship, we can also analyze it in depth from the perspective of individual psychological development and family function transformation.
From the perspective of individual psychological development, children will go through different psychological stages in the process of growing up, and each stage has its own unique needs and challenges.
In childhood, children have a strong dependence and trust on their parents, who are their safe haven and role models. However, after entering adolescence, children's self-consciousness quickly awakens, and they begin to crave independence and autonomy, trying to break free from the shackles of their parents.
For example, when Kobayashi was an adolescent, he became interested in fashion and pop culture, wanting to experiment with new hairstyles and clothing styles. But his parents thought that these were not doing his job properly, and severely criticized and restricted Xiaolin. Kobayashi feels that his personality is suppressed and is angry at his parents' incomprehension, and the parent-child relationship becomes strained as a result.
During this critical period, if parents cannot adjust their roles and education methods in time, and still interfere excessively in their children's lives, it is easy to trigger children's rebellion and lead to the aggravation of parent-child conflicts.
From the perspective of the transformation of family functions, the traditional family mainly undertakes multiple functions such as economic production, children's education and old-age security.
However, with the development of society, these functions have gradually changed.
In modern society, economic production is more undertaken by social institutions and the market, and children's education is more dependent on schools and professional educational institutions.
The function of the family is gradually focusing on emotional support, psychological care and value inheritance.
However, some parents are not aware of this change and still overemphasize their authority in terms of economy and education, and neglect the emotional and psychological communication with their children.
For example, Lao Zhang's family originally made a living from farming, and Lao Zhang has absolute authority in the family with his rich farming experience. But with the change of the times, the children have entered the city to work, but Lao Zhang still uses the past way to direct the life of his children, resulting in his children's dissatisfaction and alienation from him.
From the perspective of the impact of social and cultural changes on the concept of family, the culture of modern society is becoming more and more diversified, and individualism, liberalism and other trends of thought are constantly emerging.
These cultural concepts emphasize the freedom, equality and independence of the individual, and there is a certain conflict with the traditional concept of family ethics.
For example, the younger generation is more focused on personal development and self-actualization, and is unwilling to sacrifice their dreams in order to meet their parents' expectations.
Parents, on the other hand, may be influenced by traditional beliefs that their children should follow their own arrangements and follow the family traditions and rules.
If these cultural differences are not properly reconciled, they can be a potential factor in the deterioration of the parent-child relationship.
From the perspective of family communication patterns and emotional expressions, there are unhealthy communication patterns and emotional expressions in some families.
For example, some parents are accustomed to using criticism, accusation, or even scolding to educate their children, rather than encouraging, guiding, and communicating rationally.
In some families, there is a lack of emotional expression, and parents and children rarely express love and care for each other, resulting in a deepening emotional estrangement.
Just like Xiao Yang's family, his parents are always critical of him, and even if he achieves results, he is not recognized. Over time, Xiao Yang closed the door to his parents, and the parent-child relationship became cold and alienated.
From the perspective of the impact of social competition pressure on family relations, the competition in modern society is becoming increasingly fierce, and parents and children are facing tremendous pressure.
In order to provide better living conditions for their children, parents are often busy with work and neglect to spend time with their children.
In order to stand out from the competition, children are also under heavy pressure to learn and develop.
For example, Xiao Wang's parents often work overtime and rarely have time to spend with him. Xiao Wang felt lonely and lost, and felt that his parents did not care about him. Parents believe that they work hard for the future of their children, and neither party understands and cares from the other's point of view, resulting in a gradual indifference in the parent-child relationship.
When we think deeply about this issue, we can also find the impact of family trauma on the intergenerational transmission of parent-child relationships.
Some parents have experienced traumatic events such as domestic violence, parental divorce, and poverty in their own upbringing, which may affect their parenting style and ability to handle parent-child relationships.
They may unconsciously pass on the harm they have suffered to the next generation, forming a bad parent-child relationship cycle.
For example, when Ms. Li was a child, she was often beaten and scolded by her father, and when she grew up, although she vowed to give her children a warm family, she still couldn't help but do it when her children made mistakes. Her children grew up in this violent environment and were full of fear and resentment towards their mother.
From the perspective of the impact of insufficient social support system on parent-child relationship, many families lack effective external support and help when there is a problem in parent-child relationship.
Schools, communities and social organizations have relatively insufficient investment in parent-child relationship counseling and education, so that parents and children often have to rely on their own strength to solve conflicts and conflicts, which can easily lead to the deterioration of problems.
For example, after Xiao Zhao had a fierce quarrel with his parents, he had nowhere to confide and ask for help, so he could only keep the conflict in his heart, and the parent-child relationship further deteriorated.
In summary, the deterioration of the relationship between parents and children is a complex and multifaceted problem, involving many aspects such as individual psychology, family function, social culture, communication style, and competitive pressure.
To improve this situation, it is necessary for the whole society to work together to build an environment conducive to the healthy development of parent-child relationships.
For example, schools can offer parent-child relationship counseling courses to help parents and children master effective communication and coping skills. The community can organize family activities to enhance the emotional exchange between parents and children; Social media can disseminate the correct family values and educational methods, and guide the public to pay attention to the importance of parent-child relationships.
As we continue to dig deeper into this issue, we can also explore it from the perspective of family rules and boundary setting.
In some families, parents do not have clear and reasonable family rules and boundaries, resulting in children not having a clear understanding and restraint of their own behavior.
For example, some families overindulge their children, who develop a willful, selfish personality and do not back down when they have conflicts with their parents; And some families have too strict rules, so that children feel oppressed and suffocated, and will rebel when they have the opportunity.
For example, Xiao Chen's family did not have a clear schedule and study plan, Xiao Chen often stayed up late to play games, and his parents persuaded him many times to no avail, and the conflict between the two sides continued to escalate.
From the point of view of the misalignment of family roles, sometimes parents do not take their due responsibilities in the family, or children take on too many responsibilities that do not belong to them, which can lead to an imbalance in family relationships.
For example, some parents are addicted to their own entertainment or work, and do not care about their children's life and learning, and children are prone to rebellion in the absence of care and guidance; In some families, children take on the burden of taking care of the family prematurely, lose their normal childhood and growth opportunities, and resent their parents.
From the perspective of the influence of public opinion on the parent-child relationship, in modern society, some media and public opinion may over-exaggerate and one-sidedly interpret the parent-child relationship, which may also bring unnecessary pressure and misleading to the family.
For example, the exaggerated parent-child conflict plots in some TV dramas may cause viewers to fear and anxiety about the parent-child relationship, affecting how they deal with it in real life.
From the perspective of individual mental health and emotional management, the mental health problems and insufficient emotional management ability of parents and children are also important reasons for the deterioration of parent-child relationship.
For example, if parents suffer from mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety, it may affect their attitudes and education styles towards their children; If children have problems such as emotional instability and impulsivity, they are also prone to conflict in communication with their parents.
For example, Xiao Liu's father suffered from anxiety disorders due to work pressure and often lost his temper with Xiao Liu, Xiao Liu could not understand the changes in his father, and the parent-child relationship became tense.
In conclusion, improving the relationship between parents and children requires a concerted effort by all parties.
Parents should continue to learn and grow, and improve their educational philosophy and communication skills; Children should learn to understand and respect their parents, and actively communicate their thoughts and feelings with them.
At the same time, society should provide more support and resources to help families build a harmonious and healthy parent-child relationship.
Only in this way can we break the dilemma of the deteriorating parent-child relationship and fill every family with warmth and love.
As we look to the future and look forward to the better improvement and development of the parent-child relationship, we also need to think about more possibilities and solutions.
For example, the development of technology has provided new ways to improve the parent-child relationship. Through tools such as online psychological counseling platforms and parent-child education apps, parents and children can more easily obtain professional help and guidance.
Virtual reality technology can also create more interesting experiences for parent-child interaction and enhance the emotional connection between parents and children.
From the perspective of education reform, school education can pay more attention to cultivating students' emotional intelligence, communication skills and family values, so that children can learn how to build a good relationship with their parents from an early age.
At the same time, more attention should be paid to the training and guidance of family education to provide parents with more opportunities to learn and grow.
From the level of social and cultural construction, we need to promote a family culture of respect, understanding and tolerance.
Through various cultural activities, public service advertisements and other forms, spread the correct concept of parent-child relationship, and create a social atmosphere conducive to the harmonious development of parent-child relationship.
Finally, every family should take active action to reflect on and improve the parent-child relationship, starting with themselves.
Parents and children should work together to constantly adjust the way they get along with each other and adapt to the changes and development of society.
I believe that with our joint efforts, the relationship between parents and children will no longer be enemies of each other, but close partners who support and care for each other, and write a happy chapter of the family together.