"You don't want to live well at all" Is the truth of psychology that subverts common sense, and it's time to reveal it!

Thanks for this romantic encounter

What you are not aware of becomes your "destiny"

22.04.05 10:00PM Miss you.

- START -

We know that the essence of human nature is to seek advantage and avoid harm.

But going back to life, you may find this common sense particularly perverse:

You often get caught up in emotional entanglements and fall in love with people who make you miserable;

Every time you prepare with all your might, you will be late at the critical moment, delay and mess things up;

Obviously, I hate the bad temper of my parents, but I still can't help but get angry with my children;

Make up your mind to work well, and in the end resign for the same reasons;

I know that staying up late is not good for health, but I still can't help but sleep late...

If it is logical, then the most likely explanation can only be that it is good for us to do so.

You may think it's incredible, but clinically it's true.

To illustrate this, I have to tell the story of a visitor first.

"I'm actually pretty scummy." That was the first thing she said.

According to her own description, she has liked to play a "game" since junior high school, that is, to love intentionally or unintentionally attract boys.

To a certain extent, her tough and flamboyant personality can indeed attract many people who appreciate this personality.

However, until the boy confesses that after the relationship is established, she often loses interest and can't help but want to escape.

She began to deliberately chill the other party, such as delaying replying to messages, habitually being late for dates, or finding nothing to do, waiting for the other party to propose to break up, and making the other party feel sorry for her, as if she was a scumbag.

At work too. She was quick to get started with an unfamiliar business, and she did a good job, and her colleagues and bosses admired her.

But when she was entrusted with a heavy responsibility, she began to drop the chain and mess things up at key points, which made everyone particularly disappointed.

She always thought that she just didn't meet the right person and the right job.

Until one time, she met a boy whose appearance looked funny, that she subconsciously wanted to approach him.

Later, she found that unlike the boy she had met before, he was very warm and down-to-earth, and this person could make her soften.

But I don't know if it is retribution, she wants to be intimate at the same time, and she can't control the destruction of the relationship.

She will irritate the other party for no reason, such as making an affair with other boys, deliberately letting him see the chat history;

During the quarrel, she often played cold violence, as if to test his sincerity, until the other party sadly left, leaving her with a sentence: "You are a person who can't cover up the heat."

She said she had a feeling that people are for the ultimate separation, no matter what the relationship, the thought of this will be extremely lonely and numb.

"How did this feeling come about?" I asked her.

She began to recall some things from her childhood.

In her mind, her mother was particularly controlling and had a lot of demands on her, and all this stemmed from the patriarchal preference in the family.

Her mother was originally a very stubborn person who refused to accept defeat, but since marrying her father, she took care of all the housework alone and was angry with her grandmother.

There was a huge dissatisfaction accumulated in her heart, and in order to comfort herself, she sprinkled her anger on herself, but she spoiled her brother.

She felt that her mother was abusing her, ignoring her presence, and pinching soft persimmons, and she had to become strong, like putting on a pair of hard armor, and others could not bully her casually.

Hearing this, you may also find that she is not actually cold by nature, but especially eager to be seen, cared for, and accepted.

As she spoke, she began to perceive these emotions of her own.

She suddenly understood that the reason why she had been repeating those games was because the admiration of others met her own needs.

And when the relationship becomes closer, her subconscious will sound the alarm, reminding her that sooner or later her external disguise will be debunked.

It is conceivable that the best way to dispel this concern is to destroy the opportunity before the other party sees her clearly.

In other words, consciously, of course she didn't want to do it, but subconsciously, doing it would be good for her, at least to protect her inner inferiority from being discovered.

In psychology, it is actually a defense mechanism used to protect oneself.

Later, she said to me: "I finally understood that the alienation, the origin of those inferiority, was nothing more than the desire for love in the early days of life." ”

When she deeply understands the operation of her own system, she finally sorts out herself, let go of what should be put down, and does what should be done.

Last month, she called me and told me she was engaged to her boyfriend of two years.

I have to say that the essence of human beings is to seek advantages and avoid harms, and to save themselves, but many of us lack understanding of ourselves, so the internal parts are always fighting.

These fights are in the dark, consuming our energy, time and money, and keep us on the old road and detours, without us knowing it ourselves.

Zhang Peichao, a psychological master, said: "If we compare the heart to a flower, then the innermost part is our life force, but the flower buds, petals, calyxes and flowers that wrap the flower heart, that is, our core beliefs, emotional feelings, defense patterns and interpersonal behaviors, often interfere with our exploration." ”

Only by removing this layer of cover, can we sort out our own needs, reshape comfortable communication methods, and resolve inner conflicts, rather than imitating routines, blindly paying, suppressing ourselves, and not daring to say uncomfortable.

In order to jump out of the comfort zone, expand the boundaries of growth, know who I am and what I want to be.

Seeing the desire behind the chaotic emotions and distinguishing between your likes and dislikes can heal your wounds and turn on your inner motivation, rather than being tormented by anger, sadness, and panic, and walking on the edge of emotion all day long.

Let the underlying beliefs be conscious, in order to jump out of the narrow concept, draw wisdom from the subconscious, create a strong set of self-underlying logic, and achieve real growth, rather than being swayed by internal and external voices, always feeling that they are not good enough and cannot do it.

In a unique, short, irreversible life, to reduce meaningless tossing and internal friction, we need to do two words: confidant.

Otherwise, we are busy in anxiety every day, and we may end up doing nothing.

- END -

Article | One Psychology (id: yixinligongkaike)

Image | Internet

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