Being misunderstood is the norm, being understood is an accident.
Author: Insight A Tanuki eats steamed buns
A senior monk said:
"It is better not to say what others are right or wrong; it is better not to speak falsely than not to speak;
It is better not to say what is said than not to speak; it is better not to say what is to be faithful than not to speak. ”
Although it is human nature to speak openly, it is a kind of cultivation to keep your mouth shut.
True wise men know how to talk less and listen more, and remain silent at the right time.
01
Not explaining is the most reasonable explanation.
A literary friend once complained about an experience of his own.
In the first two years, tired of the nine-to-five life, he quit his stable job in a state-owned enterprise and returned home to work as a new media agent full-time.
Although the process is hard and I often stay up late, I can do what I love, and I have achieved results, and I am very happy.
A few neighbors always talked about him from time to time, saying that he was idle, did not do his job, and even lost his good iron rice bowl.
At first, he also tried to explain to others what freelancing was, but after a long time, he simply stopped talking about it.
Wen You said: "Some people are only willing to live in their own world, since the explanation does not make sense, why say more." ”
In life, many people have also experienced such a situation:
In the unit and the leader of the private friendship, some colleagues will say that you tend to be inflammatory;
Share photos of travel abroad in the circle of friends, and some people think that you are showing off your wealth in disguise;
Quit your job and go home to start a business, and the neighborhood will rumor that you are having a bad time in the big city...
Many times, the truth is not what we see, but we are unable to argue.
But if you can't explain it clearly, it's better to remain silent and silent.
Those who really understand you, even if you don't say a word, can know with their hearts; and those who don't understand you, even if you talk endlessly, are like chickens and ducks talking.
As Li Ao said: "Sometimes explanation is unnecessary: the enemy does not believe your explanation, and the friend does not need your explanation." ”
Everyone has their own values, and the joys and sorrows in this world are not the same, being misunderstood is the norm, and being understood is the special case.
Instead of desperately trying to explain yourself to others, stay silent and let time respond to everything.
02
Not arguing is the wisest wisdom.
There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching: "Faith is not beautiful, and beautiful words are not believed; the good do not argue, and the debater is not good." ”
Debate is a means of plotting, and not arguing is a kind of wisdom of being a person.
Those who are truly intelligent rarely argue with people.
At a banquet, someone told Carnegie a joke that quoted a sentence that the man said was from the Bible.
Carnegie listened and immediately pointed out that the sentence came from a certain shakespeare work.
Who knew that the other party immediately denied it and insisted that they were right, so the two of them insisted on their own opinions and argued endlessly.
In order to verify, Carnegie took this question and asked another friend who was proficient in Shakespeare's writings.
After hearing this, the friend agreed with the man's point of view.
On the way back, Carnegie asked his friend inexplicably why he was taking the wrong side.
The friend said: "You argue with him, even if you have the upper hand, the other party will be resentful because of the loss of face." ”
When you think about it, it is.
On weekdays, we have all fought with others because of some trivial matters, and we have not given in to each other.
If you lose, you will inevitably be angry and resentful; if you win, you will hurt the other party's self-esteem and lose people's hearts.
Many times, arguments do not determine the winner or loser, only losing both.
Franklin once said, "If you argue and refute, maybe you can win once in a while, but that's an empty victory, because then you will never get the other side's favor." ”
The most important thing about getting along with each other is that they are comfortable with each other.
For some issues that do not involve major issues of right and wrong, it is advisable to turn a blind eye.
Even if you lose the truth, but you win the feelings, why not enjoy it.
The best way to live in life is to look at your own scenery, walk your own path, and understand the differences of others.
03
No evaluation, the top kind.
I once watched such a video on Zhihu:
A man changed into a high school uniform in the toilet after work, put a pink hairpin on his head, and smiled in the mirror.
Someone came in and bumped into it, saying "neurotic" while picking up his mobile phone to take a picture of this scene and posting it on the Internet.
The video quickly caused a hot discussion, and the man was recognized on the road, scolding him for being a transvestite and beating his eyeballs.
However, the truth of the matter is that the man's sister died in a car accident, and his mother forgot everyone because the blow was too big, and only remembered what her sister looked like when she was in school.
In order to make his mother happy, the man decided to dress up as a sister and video call his mother every day in the tone of his sister.
After reading it, I was deeply touched.
In daily life, we have also easily pointed out and judged other people's lives because of some incomprehensible things.
However, behind those strange things, there may be hidden in the heartache and embarrassment of others.
Han Han once said: "If you don't understand, you shut up, because you never know what others have experienced." If you understand, then you should shut up even more. ”
Everyone has their own life, and there are soft corners of the heart that they want to protect.
We are no one else, and we cannot know the path he has taken, the pain he has suffered, and the unspeakable suffering in his heart.
Your casual comment is likely to become a sharp blade that pokes the heart and causes irreparable harm to the other party.
A casual remark you make may uncover the scars that others have been so hard to heal and become bloody again.
So, never judge a person lightly.
A governor who does not speak, who knows no one, is the kindness that a man should be born with.
04
Someone asked, "What is the reason why you are becoming more and more silent?" ”
One of the answers said:
"Sometimes, you are misunderstood, but you don't want to argue;
Sometimes, you are looking for stubble, but you don't care to fight back;
Sometimes, you don't know, you just don't want to say, so you choose silence. ”
Many times, silence does not represent cowardice and compromise, but generosity and calmness under the stoicism.
It is to penetrate the world and understand, to look down on right and wrong without arguing, to understand life and be calm.
The ancients once said that eloquence is silver and silence is gold.
When we go through the vicissitudes of the world, we will finally understand:
Give it a thumbs up, know how to keep silent, is a person's most precious cultivation.