Wen 丨 Qingxin Junyue
Zhang Ailing wrote at the end of "Mercy":
"Born in this world, there is no emotion that is not torn..."
When I was young, when I read this sentence, I always thought that I understood it, so I was willing to hang this sentence on my lips and sigh to people indiscriminately.
It wasn't until I became an adult, read "Mercy" again, saw this sentence, and carefully tasted the people and things in the story, that I gradually understood how much human feelings this sentence contained.
Born in this world, who does not want to encounter everything can be simple, love and hate, free and happy. However, as long as you are involved in this world, in a chaotic and intertwined emotion, how many people can be alone and natural?
There are four main characters in "Mercy", Dun Feng, who has been widowed for more than ten years, Mr. Mi, who has two wives (who married Dun Feng, who is 23 years younger), Mrs. Yang (Dun Feng's cousin), who is "wandering", and Mrs. Yang (Dun Feng's aunt) who knows that her daughter-in-law is "unruly".
The intricate relationship between these four characters is doomed to make it impossible for anyone to separate from the other, and the twisted and twisted emotions between the four people wrap the four people more and more tightly.
sour.
Dun Feng is sour, starting from choosing to marry Mr. Mi, who is 23 years older than himself, he can only acquiesce to the continuous fermentation of the acid in his heart, from new vinegar to old vinegar, and finally blended into vinegar essence.
The acid of DunFeng has two sources. One is Mr. Mi's former wife, and the other is Dun Feng's cousin, Mrs. Yang.
From the day Dun Feng married Mr. Mi, he had to be sour, and these two mouthfuls of vinegar had to be drunk, and if he didn't drink it, he had to drink it.
Let's start with the first sip of vinegar, Mr. Mi's ex-wife. Although Dun Feng is married to Mr. Mi, she also knows that Mr. Mi cannot break off contact with his ex-wife.
How to break? Mr. Mi and his ex-wife did not divorce, they had several children together, and they supported each other for most of their lives, and the connection between them had long been tightly tied together by these things, and they could not be torn apart. Now, Mr. Mi is with her, but the former wife is alone and seriously ill, how can Mr. Mi let the former wife ignore, and what reason does she have to obstruct.
Unless she chooses to leave Mr. Mi, she can only assume that Mr. Mi's heart needs to be part of it.
She could not leave Mr. Mi because she and Mr. Mi were happy together, the standard of living was much stronger than when she was alone, and Mr. Mi was considerate and caring for her.
Whether she had thought of this before she was with Mr. Mi is hard to say. But as far as our real life is concerned, some people are always willing to believe that some emotions can be broken. But in fact, emotion is a relationship, from the moment of existence, it is difficult to eliminate, only longer and more rooted, and finally rooted in a person's life, spread to the whole; and emotion is a period of witness, the longer it lasts, the deeper the imprint left in life, who can accept their own life left a large blank, after all, it is the evidence that everyone has lived.
But the greatest safety and steadfastness that an emotion can bring to people lies in concentration. Mr. Mi could not concentrate on her, she could only drink this vinegar with tears, just thinking about the price of drinking this vinegar, her stomach would also regurgitate acid.
The second sip of vinegar, she could not escape.
Her aunt's family is the only relative of her mother's family who can still interact with Mr. Mi after she is with him. The other relatives were either in poor condition or waited to see her lively. The relationship between relatives is actually very delicate, and most of the time it is not helpful to help, but the trouble is indispensable.
At this point, Dun Feng saw it quite thoroughly--"Swinging in front of them, afraid that they will borrow money; what is unsatisfactory, and unwilling to complain to them, afraid that they will laugh." It sounds like a despicable way to say that the relationship between relatives is despicable, but in the adult world, there are too few good relatives. It's just that sometimes, knowing that relatives are not good, and can't break off contacts, it is not too much to say that it is a kind of "chicken rib", it is indeed - the food is tasteless, and it is a pity to abandon it.
Just like her and her aunt's family, so did. My heart was holding my breath, I was panicked, and I had nowhere to go, so I could only go to my aunt's house. At least there are some things that need not be said, and they know each other well, and it is better to talk casually than nothing.
She and Mr. Mi can be together, but also thanks to her aunt's family, especially her cousin Mrs. Yang. She couldn't change that, even if she didn't want to admit it. This is the reality, always far from what is idealized. She met Mr. Mi in the family of her aunt, who was at that time conflicted with his former wife and preferred to get some comfort from his wife outside. At that time, Mr. Mi was focusing on Mrs. Yang, and once Mr. Mi turned his attention to her because he was "jealous", and since then he has slowly come together.
In this way, Mrs. Yang always thought that she had ceded Mr. Mi to Dun Feng. Dun Feng had to bow his head again in front of Mrs. Yang. Once the feelings of two people participate in a third party, in which it involves winning and losing, and making perfect, the sweetness of the original love will naturally become not a taste.
Perhaps some relationships will not bear any fruit if allowed to develop, such as Mrs. Yang and Mr. Mi; the so-called emotional path is sometimes inevitably detoured a few times before embarking on the right path, such as Mr. Mi finally chose Dun Feng; but once there is a misunderstanding, or once someone takes this misunderstanding seriously, then this misunderstanding can no longer be clearly explained.
On this issue, or that sentence, as long as she does not leave Mr. Mi, these problems cannot be solved. But if he really left Mr. Mi because of these problems, it would be really ridiculous.
bitter.
Mr. Mi was 59 years old when he married Dun Feng, and he had spent most of his life, and the years he experienced were like constantly changing huang lotus chews, changing from one piece to another.
In fact, he didn't want much, he just wanted to get some understanding and love in marriage, as well as the gentleness and compassion of women. Much more, not much. But in reality, whether you can get what you want is not how much you want or less. It is said that greed is not enough to swallow elephants, and sometimes some things are so unfair, some people want more and get more; some people want less and get less.
Mr. Mi is such a person- a man with a hard life.
He and his ex-wife were bitter, and at that time, the former wife was one of the few female students like him, and he thought that his marriage would start from "the encounter is beautiful" to be beautiful, but he did not know that the "encounter is beautiful" but the end of beauty.
"Mrs. Temper has always been neurotic, and later more grumpy... He had rarely been with her over the years, and even when the past was better, his days were in a hurry, and he only remembered the quarrels and the happy memories worth remembering. ”
This is his past with his ex-wife, but people always have feelings, and this feeling is still very strange, and with the passage of time, whether the past is good or bad, in retrospect years later, there will still be touches. The elderly Mr. Mi found that he could not give up that relationship at all, at least not to let his former wife go:
"But it was still those young and painful, hasty years that really melted into his heart, making him think now that the fly ash-like rain and winter had gone into his eyes, and there was the sourness of tears in his eyes and noses."
He accepted the suffering he had suffered in the past, and he had also accepted to eat this suffering to the end, but because of this, he also had to accept to suffer another suffering—because he chose Dun Feng again.
The reason why he chose Dun Feng was to alleviate some of the suffering he had suffered for most of his life—"That's his current woman, gentle and superior, and she was also a beauty two years earlier." This time, he did not rush to the marriage by mistake, but he inquired and planned well in advance, and in his later years he could enjoy a little blessing and make up for the past unhappiness. ”
Some suffering is self-seeking, so there is a saying called self-seeking bitterness. He didn't think much about it before he entered the wedding, and the impulse to suffer most of his life to repay the marriage was self-inflicted. And this time he seems to have considered a lot, in fact, he is also asking for bitter food, since he can't give up his former wife, how can he settle the heart of a woman 23 years younger than himself?
The intentions we often make will always have a drawback, taking self-acquisition as the starting point, we think we have thought of everything, but we don't know that all acquisitions must be achieved at the cost of paying, and we can't meet the needs of others and how can we meet our own needs.
Fortunately, Dun Feng was not bad to him. However, this is good, once it involves his ex-wife, she can only taste the same chewing wax, but also with bitterness.
But what about that? Every choice comes at the cost of the choice. At this age, he could not stand the toss. For the little mercy that he might get, he could only eat this suffering silently.
endure.
Speaking of forbearance, the most admirable thing in "Mercy" is Mrs. Yang, and of course, her looming son.
Mrs. Yang and Mrs. Yang live under the same roof, and Mrs. Yang's affair is obvious to all. At the beginning, when the family was relatively well-off, the people who came to the house as guests were more decent, so some of Mrs. Yang's behaviors and some words made people feel bold and playful at best, and now, the number of people who come to the house is getting lower and lower, and Some of Mrs. Yang's behaviors and words, just like Dun Feng saw - are "vulgar".
From the scene that Dun Feng saw when she went to her aunt's house this time, Mrs. Yang's affair can be seen:
Her coat slipped over her shoulders, and he reached out his index finger and stroked it lightly on her back. She didn't seem to be afraid of itching, and she didn't feel it. He turned to spit, but she held a card and swiped it all the way down his back and said, 'Oh, draw a line – there is a difference between men and women, ah!' ’”
The "he" here is a young man who is not in a black suit, not even a vest, but Mrs. Yang's daughter-in-law is so zhengda guangming at home with other men "frolicking and scolding", we can naturally say that what happens in zhengda guangming will not cause any big thing, but don't say that all big things are caused by small things, and this kind of small thing alone also makes some people feel isolated. For example, the son of Mrs. Yang can't see her daughter-in-law at home, she is not bothered when she sees her eyes, and she is unwilling to go home after work. And Mrs. Yang had no choice but to be small and intolerant in this, and while vigilantly watching for her son, she endured some of the things she saw.
Since Mrs. Yang is like this, why should Mrs. Yang and Mrs. Yang's son choose to tolerate it. There are many practical factors involved in this question. For example, they have a daughter, and marriage involves the issue of children; for example, the current situation of life at that time, any turmoil means a large amount of expenses; for example, if the son can endure, what can the mother Of Yang do.
Some relationships are like this, as long as they don't tear their faces, they can be maintained, and the cost of maintenance requires at least one party to endure unconditionally. This kind of forbearance does not necessarily care much about these relationships, but it cannot afford to be broken.
In "Mercy", there is a description of this state: "Mrs. Yang saw Mr. Mi coming, and she also prevented Mrs. Yang from talking to him, and she sent off the old mother who was ironing clothes, and rushed into the room." Mrs. Yang also felt it, and showed a dismissive smile..."
let.
In addition to Mrs. Yang's forbearance, in the complex family relationship, mother-in-law relationship, there is also Mrs. Yang's concession.
Mrs. Yang knew that Mrs. Yang was putting up with her, she hated this mother-in-law's nosy business, and she did not want this old lady to hold the economic power of the family, but there was no way, in order to live, she could only let it. Only by letting this step can the sea and the sky be wide inside the home.
Although in her mouth, she will also complain to Dun Feng:
"Now it depends on the old lady to save two dollars all day long, is it?" Don't look at me, I know how to play cards, there are a lot of people in this alley who do small business and make a fortune, what to buy, take us a small share, it is worth a lot... I also need money to enter the shares, and the money is not in my control. If I were in charge, I would have to mess with her. ”
But does she really want to take care of things? No! She knew that if she was really allowed to take care of it, maybe the home would cease to exist for a long time.
So, she could only let. This kind of concession is reluctant and willing.
There are a few people living in this world who really don't know it, and most of them are knowingly committing crimes.
Just like this Mrs. Yang, she knows why the family has come to this point and why it continues:
"Speaking of which, I hurt him and he couldn't stay at home." Speaking of this, the family is all thanks to the old lady. ”
But sometimes, because of anger, there will be a lot of complaints:
"Look at this, this, everything is in her room!" You see even the phone, the refrigerator... I don't care about this, otherwise..."
She knew that her complaints could be heard by Mrs. Yang, but as long as she didn't tear her face in person, some relationships still existed.
Riddled with
We all want the emotions we are in, clear, simple, harmonious, and warm. However, in real life, people are complex, relationships are also complex, and how can people put too high demands on the relationship between people.
In the story, the angry Dun Feng and the lost Mr. Mi still love each other.
In the story, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, who have their own plans and dislike each other, get together to comment on Dun Feng's current "stinginess and slamming the door".
The emotions of the world may be like this, they may not be as good as we think, but they are definitely not as bad as we think. Isn't there a saying, man, if you don't owe each other, how can you meet each other? This is not a chicken soup, it is a real truth about life.
The reason why the so-called emotions in the world last forever and are compact, and the vitality of them may be precisely in that thousands of holes. All the cracks are places where the light can be seen, and all the wounds may sprout new life.
"Born in this world, there is no emotion that is not full of holes..." It is really good to say, and it has exhausted all the emotional pain of adults. But fortunately, there is still the second half of this sentence - "However, Dun Feng and Mr. Mi are still in love on the way home." ”
Qingxin Junyue, an emotional observer, ta said book critic, film critic. Warm you, me with words.