One day in 1940, 20-year-old Zhang Ailing was taking a bath at home, but her mother rushed in and claimed to check Zhang Ailing's body to see if she was still perfect!
Zhang Ailing was born into a once-glorious family, and her ancestors were prominent officials and literati during the Qing Dynasty. However, by her father's generation, the glory of the family had gradually faded, and all that remained was the family honor and tradition that could not be separated.
Zhang Ailing's mother Huang Yifan married Zhang Zhiyi under the arrangement of her parents, and the Zhang family was also a well-known family at that time, and her family background was also very prominent. Huang Yifan was looking forward to a marriage full of romance and happiness, but the reality was not as she expected.
At first, the two also fell in love with each other for a happy time, but as time went by, Zhang Zhiyi's shortcomings were gradually exposed, coupled with the differences in their personalities, the contradictions and conflicts between the two sides continued.
After countless disputes, Huang Yifan is determined to get rid of this unhappy marriage and go to a foreign country to pursue his own independence and freedom. The young Zhang Ailing was forced to stay in China and live with her father and stepmother.
After the departure of her mother, Zhang Ailing's childhood became lacking in warmth. His father, Zhang Zhiyi, was decadent all day long, addicted to opium, and did not care about the education and growth of his children. The arrival of her stepmother did not bring Zhang Ailing the warmth of maternal love, but made her feel more harsh.
In the home of this famous family, Zhang Ailing is like an outsider, spending cold nights one after another. This left-behind experience made Zhang Ailing experience loneliness and helplessness prematurely.
In such a complex family background, Zhang Ailing gradually grew up. Because of the lack of maternal love since childhood, Zhang Ailing has become more and more eager for maternal love, she longs for love and warmth, but she has never been able to get it.
She was already full of disappointment and hatred for the family in front of her, and she desperately wanted to chase her abroad to find her mother. This loneliness and helplessness led her to deeply analyze and reflect on family, affection and love in her later works.
When Zhang Ailing was 17 years old, with a desire for maternal love and a vision for the future, she escaped from the family that lacked warmth and went to her mother Huang Yifan. But what awaits her is not the expected embrace and warmth, but the deep alienation between mother and daughter.
Huang Yifan's life has been occupied by a free new world, and she seems unable to give Eileen Chang the love she craves. Zhang Ailing felt lonely and helpless in this strange environment, she hoped to be recognized by her mother, but it was always difficult to cross the gap in her heart.
In order to win her mother's approval, Zhang Ailing studied hard, hoping to prove her worth with her talent. She has shown a talent for writing, but these efforts do not seem to have brought her closer to her mother.
In 1940, Zhang Ailing won a scholarship, which was supposed to be a cause for celebration, but she did not expect to trigger her mother's humiliation and suspicion of her. Huang Yifan questioned whether there was a secret behind her scholarship, and even rushed into the bathroom while she was taking a shower, claiming to check her body to see if she was still perfect. This made Zhang Ailing feel extremely ashamed and angry, and she couldn't understand why her mother treated her like this.
Faced with her mother's suspicion and humiliation, Zhang Ailing was disheartened. She begins to reflect on her relationship with her mother and question the authenticity of her mother's love. After experiencing countless blows and disappointments, she gradually learned to protect herself, turning her deep inner pain into words and pouring it out in her works.
And the rift in this mother-daughter relationship has become a pain that she can't erase for the rest of her life. Later, Zhang Ailing chose to leave her mother and face the ups and downs of life alone. With confusion about the future and regret for the past, she resolutely embarked on her own journey.
After leaving her mother, Zhang Ailing devoted all her energy to writing, describing her life with words, and it is precisely because of this lack of maternal love that she has achieved her unique literary writing style.
In 1957, when I received news about my mother Huang Yifan again, she was terminally ill and would die soon. After Zhang Ailing learned the news, she had mixed feelings. She did not choose to visit her mother, but sent her mother a million dollar bill, perhaps Zhang Ailing has not forgiven her mother's previous indifferent behaviors and actions.
In her heart, the grievances between mother and daughter have long been irresolvable, and she herself has become accustomed to loneliness. If you read Zhang Ailing's books, you will find that in some of her works, you can always find her hatred for her mother and her desire for maternal love.
In the history of modern Chinese literature, Zhang Ailing is unique in her unique literary style. Her works are full of profound dissections of human nature and sober observations of the bleak state of the world. Her writing is sharp and calm, revealing an insight into the various situations of the world.
The desolate and lonely characters in the work are, to a large extent, a projection of her innermost desire for family affection. The lack of maternal love led her to seek emotional sustenance in her literary creation.
Eileen Chang's childhood experiences have had a profound impact on her outlook on life and love. Let her always keep a distance in love, unable to devote herself wholeheartedly. The love stories she writes always carry an unspeakable regret and helplessness. And her life, because of this lack of maternal love, has become sensitive, suspicious, and insecure.
Information source: China.com Consulting 2023-09-26 ——Zhang Ailing threw her mother two gold bars after becoming famous, and later her mother was seriously ill and wanted to see her, but she only sent $100: "Since she loves money so much, let money accompany her!" ”
