In the TV series "Heart Residence", Feng Xiaoqin, a full-time mother played by Haiqing, is a daughter-in-law from a foreign country.
Because his family was poor and did not like to read, he came to Shanghai at the age of 16 to work hard, but he could only rely on odd jobs and selling coolies to support himself, which was not easy.
In order to gain a foothold in the metropolis of Shanghai, she chose to marry Gu Lei, a local mediocre man in Shanghai.
For Feng Xiaoqin, Gu Lei looks ordinary, walks upside down, has a soft personality, and relies on the care of his twin sister Gu Qingyu (played by nursery rhymes) for his work.
A local, with a house to live in, a stable job, honesty, her father is a retired teacher, her sister is a business elite, and she will not suffer losses when she marries Gu Lei.
After getting married, Gu Lei asked Feng Xiaoqin to quit her job and concentrate on being a full-time mother at home, taking care of her son, father, grandmother and himself.
Feng Xiaoqin has been a full-time mother for 8 years, very competent, the big and small things in the family are handled by her alone, every day together, that is, to buy vegetables, buy breakfast, manage the family of 5 people three meals a day, and the weekend dinner of the big family.
In daily life, the grandmother takes a few pills, the taste that the father-in-law usually likes, what the husband wears to work, and the son's life and study are all well taken care of by her.
As her son grew up, the life of relatives around her became better and better, and Feng Xiaoqin also hoped to have a house of her own in Shanghai and live her own small life with her husband and son.
Although the family is inseparable from her care, the father-in-law, sister and husband often close the door to hold small meetings, especially the sister Gu Qingyu, standing in the position of the female elite, in her bones is to look down on Feng Xiaoqin, especially she relies on marrying people to change the class, and has always guarded against her.
For Feng Xiaoqin's request to buy a house, it is even more unsupportive.
After being refused to buy a house to borrow money, Feng Xiaoqin felt aggrieved, she said:
"For 8 years, even if you hire a nanny, you have earned hundreds of thousands of dollars in these years, which is enough to pay a down payment."
Feng Xiaoqin, as a full-time mother, she is very capable and a good hand in life, but the grievances she suffers are also often faced by many full-time mothers, and no one really respects her in her heart.
The reason why many people don't want to be a stay-at-home mom is also very realistic:
First, toil and not free
People who have brought children understand that compared to going to work, the intensity of work with children is much higher than that of going to work, 24 hours a day on standby, 7 days a week work system, can not ask for leave, absenteeism, in addition to surrounding children and families, their entertainment and circle of friends are getting smaller and smaller.
And if the child is healthy, if it is uncomfortable or sick, the mother will be worried, and even sometimes accused by family members, then the mother is more tired.
Second, confusion
Many stay-at-home mothers are also very good at taking care of their own lives, such as participating in various mother groups, or parties, reading, raising children, etc., and will not be completely disconnected from society.
But most stay-at-home mothers will be very confused, after several years of workplace vacancies, as they get older, there is no advantage in the workplace.
Even if they are looking for basic jobs, employers are more willing to use young people because they are more growth-oriented.
Finally, the sense of value is low
For stay-at-home moms, if you have no passive income before you quit your job, you can only face up and ask your husband for living expenses.
At first, it was fine, but after a long time, the husband and his family will inevitably have an infinite sense of superiority, thinking that it is on their own, you do not have to go from nine to five, you are enjoying happiness, and your efforts are also deserved.
If Feng Xiaoqin spends 8 years on her own personal growth instead of forcing her husband to grow, she may be more respected by her in-laws.
Although stay-at-home mothers are cultivating "future taxpayers" for society, the ultimate benefit of stay-at-home moms is their own families.
Because of stagnant careers, no income, and low social identity, the longer you stay full-time, the less secure you become.
Some experts say that they want to pay the full-time mother, this salary is also taken out of the husband's income, the original husband and wife are equal, the husband pays the wife, it becomes the superior-subordinate relationship between the boss and the employee, will marketize the marriage, and the full-time person has become a commodity.
In fact, many mothers in life choose to take care of their children and families full-time, or the result of negotiations between husband and wife, which is more conducive to the interests of the family at that time.
I often have my mother ask me if being a stay-at-home mom is a good choice.
My personal advice: If there are other options, being a stay-at-home mom is not a good option.
Because the economic base is the foundation for meeting many needs, and human beings have security (job security) needs, social needs (friendship), respect and self-actualization needs in addition to physical (food and clothing) needs.
Even if the financial conditions of stay-at-home mothers are good, but the family relationship is not an unbreakable relationship, once the relationship is shaken or broken, the situation of stay-at-home mothers will be very passive.
And work has another meaning, which will make people more purposeful and accomplished.
Compared with raising children and caring for families, interpersonal circles are relatively small, and there is also a relatively less sense of purpose and achievement.
And work can also make it easier for you to integrate into society, meeting the needs of presence, socialization and self-actualization.
Of course, everyone's values are different, and if you are full-time to take better care of your children and family, also like the full-time state of life, and feel happy, then naturally it can be an option.
But if you're sacrificing yourself full-time for your children and family, then, it's better not to.
Only when a person takes good care of himself first can he give better care to his children and family, and can he feel happy in his efforts, rather than collapse and grievances.
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In short, no matter what profession you are currently engaged in, in the workplace or retired to the family, always maintain self-learning and growth, in order to make yourself anytime and anywhere from passive to active, but also become the best version of yourself.
Today's Discussion: Do You Think Being a Stay-at-Home Mom is a Good Choice?