Whether you admit it or not, in a family with many children, there always seems to be some "unspoken rules" quietly running. As for the parents, maybe they don't want to face this complicated situation, or maybe they feel that this is a helpless reality, and choose not to lift the veil.
There are unspoken rules in multi-child families, children know it, and parents pretend to be confused.
Uneven distribution of resources
In a family with many children, resources are always limited, both in terms of material resources and parental attention and love. This leads to an uneven distribution of resources. For example, if there is good food at home, a child may get more; Or in terms of investment in education, a child will be more willing to spend money. This imbalance is well understood by the children, but they may not say it explicitly. For children who are given more resources, there may be a faint sense of superiority, but at the same time, they will bear the eyes of other siblings; For children who have received fewer resources, there may be grievances and unwillingness in their hearts, but they feel that this seems to be a reality that is difficult to change. Just like the family has limited financial resources and can only provide for one child to attend a better interest class, parents may choose the child they think is more talented or have more potential, while the other children can only watch silently.
Differences in the sharing of responsibilities
As the children grow up, the responsibilities in the family need to be taken on as well. At this point, there is a difference in the allocation of responsibilities. Some children may be expected more from their parents to take on more responsibilities for taking care of the family and the elderly. Other children may be more relaxed. This difference is clear to the children, but sometimes they can only accept it helplessly. For example, if a child is more capable, parents will naturally expect him to contribute more to family affairs. Children with weaker abilities may be "let go" by their parents. However, this difference in the sharing of responsibilities can lead to the accumulation of some contradictions and grievances, but everyone chooses not to say it.
Biased emotional attention
Parental emotional attention is also a sensitive topic in families with many children. Parents may unconsciously show more affection and concern for a particular child, which may be because the child is more well-behaved, more obedient, or for some other reason. Other children will feel the bias of this emotional attention, and they will feel lost and sad. But parents are often reluctant to admit this bias or think it's not a big deal. For example, the youngest child in the family may be pampered more by their parents, while the older child may feel left out. They will silently compare in their hearts, but they dare not openly express their dissatisfaction.
Although it is difficult for parents to treat all children equally in a multi-child family, if parents go too far, it is easy for children to have conflicts and dislikes, which will lay the foundation for the future and ensure their own life in old age.
[Topic discussion: How many children do you have in your family?] 】