The TV series "The Story of Rose" is a hit, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has aroused heated discussions

　　Recently, the TV series "The Story of Rose" starring well-known actress Liu Yifei has become popular, and the traditional scenes of "evil mother-in-law" and "mother-in-law" in the play have once again aroused heated discussions among the audience.

　　In the play, the "fairy" cannot escape the "eternal problem" of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in real life, what do in-laws and young couples think about this? How to skillfully handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Recently, the reporter paid a visit.

Drawing by Yaqi

　　Disagree

　　"Play a little bit every day, how can there be many bad parents in reality"

　　Recently, Ms. Qi, 35, of Jianxi District, chased "The Story of Roses" with her mother-in-law. As the plot progressed, the two also discussed from time to time. "TV dramas are a little bit of this every day, how can there be so many bad parents in reality." Ms. Qi's mother-in-law said.

　　Ms. Qi agrees that she and her mother-in-law usually get along very well, especially after she gave birth to her daughter 5 years ago, her mother-in-law made a special trip from her hometown in Song County to help her take care of the child wholeheartedly. "I work in a bank, I am usually busy with work, and my mother-in-law is very good to me, in addition to helping with the baby, I also help with laundry and cooking." Ms. Qi said that she saw her mother-in-law's dedication, and would buy some gifts for her mother-in-law to express her gratitude during the New Year's holidays.

　　In the Baima community of Xigong District, Grandma Ren, who is in her 70s, is recognized as a good mother-in-law by her neighbors, and she gets along very well with her two daughters-in-law. "I have also been young, and I can understand the difficulties of young people, so I am willing to do my best to reduce the burden on children." Grandma Ren said that now, she and her wife are older, her son and daughter-in-law are filial and sensible, her grandson and granddaughter are smart and motivated, and the family's life is plain and happy.

　　After watching "The Story of Roses", Ms. Li from the old city couldn't help but "complain" that her husband was very similar to Fang Xiewen in the play, and he was a "mom boy". "Whatever my mother-in-law says, my husband will carry out it as a 'holy decree'." Ms. Li said that she has been married for more than ten years, and every time she disagrees with her mother-in-law, her husband stands on her mother-in-law's side unconditionally, which makes her very helpless.

　　However, Ms. Li and her mother-in-law are both reasonable people, and although they have different concepts, there has never been much conflict. Last year, when Ms. Li was sick and hospitalized, her mother-in-law was busy and ran to the hospital three times a day to deliver food. "The old man is also kind, I hope this family is good." Ms. Li said.

　　During the visit, the reporter learned that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in most families is harmonious, but due to the differences in the living habits and parenting concepts of the two generations, some people complain about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

　　Doesn't matter

　　"Wandering in the big city, I don't see the elderly a few times a year"

　　"In family relationships, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is particularly important." This point, Mr. Bai in the old city saw it very clearly. A few years ago, because he was busy with work, he ignored the emotions of his wife and mother who lived under the same roof, and he suffered a lot of "splint gas". In September last year, in order to facilitate his son's schooling, Mr. Bai's family of three moved out. "Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law don't live together, and the distance produces beauty, so naturally there is no contradiction." Mr. Bai said.

　　Coincidentally, 32-year-old Ms. Zhu went to Shanghai to work and live after graduating from university, and only returned to Los Angeles to visit relatives during the Chinese New Year. "There are a lot of videos on the Internet about the 'mother-in-law and daughter-in-law war', and I usually hear colleagues complain that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, but I don't have such troubles. While I was young, my husband and I were wandering around the big city, and we couldn't see the old man a few times a year, so there was no conflict. Ms. Zhu said.

　　The reporter interviewed and found that with the change of concepts, not all the old people now want to revolve around their children, and they are more willing to enjoy their own old age. In the interview, everyone generally believes that it is the best state for the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to keep an appropriate distance, not living together, but they are in contact with each other and support each other at critical moments.

　　Ms. Ye is 62 years old in Xigong District, her son lives in Shenzhen, and she lives in Luoyang with her wife. "When our son needs us, we go over to help with housework and take care of the children; My son doesn't need us, so we can retire in Luoyang with peace of mind. Ms. Ye said that since her grandson went to kindergarten, she and her wife have returned to Luoyang and lived a free and happy retirement life.

　　There are tricks

　　If you want a harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, do the following four things

　　In the final analysis, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is still a kind of interpersonal relationship, how to skillfully handle this relationship?

　　Wang Yaping, a national second-level psychological counselor and hypnotherapist, has many years of experience in marriage and family counseling. She believes that there is a trick to maintaining a harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and conflicts cannot be avoided only by reducing contact, but both parties should treat each other as relatives psychologically, respect and tolerate each other, and at the same time pay attention to proportion, pay attention to boundaries, and grasp the "degree". In this way, the "eternal problem" of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been solved.

　　Specifically, Wang Yaping suggested the following four points.

　　1. Mutual respect and timely communication.

　　Respect is an important prerequisite for getting along. The daughter-in-law should respect her mother-in-law, be considerate of her mother-in-law's hard work, and humbly accept her mother-in-law's teachings; The mother-in-law should respect the way of life of her daughter-in-law, and should not rely on the old to sell the old and interfere in the private life of the children according to her own ideas. Of course, there will inevitably be disagreements in life, whether it is a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law, you should talk about things, don't blindly complain or blame each other, and don't raise the problem to the height of "the other party doesn't treat himself as a family". Timely communication in case of problems can effectively resolve some misunderstandings and contradictions.

　　2. Empathize and maintain fairness.

　　Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were originally two women who had no relationship and established a relationship because of a man. You can't use the standards of mothers and daughters to demand each other, but should be objective, more empathetic, more considerate of each other, and less harsh on each other. As a son and husband, we must build a bridge between our mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, communicate more and mediate more, so as to avoid misunderstandings or aggravated conflicts between our mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. When there is a conflict between the children, the mother-in-law must not blindly favor the son, but should wait for both parties to be calm and then ask the reason, and strive to be fair and just.

　　3. Don't care, do what you like.

　　Mother-in-law is not synonymous with being tricky and mean, they all come from the role of daughter-in-law and know the bitterness and suffering. As a junior, the daughter-in-law should give more care to the elderly, take the initiative to care and show goodwill, not to care, but to do what he likes. Doing what he likes seems to be an act of sycophancy, but it is actually an act of expressing goodwill, and it is also a skill for running a family. Kindness needs to be expressed, and no one will know it if you keep it in your heart all the time, especially if the relationship is already sensitive.

　　Fourth, maintain boundaries and grasp the degree.

　　Some elderly people have no sense of boundaries, they take care of big and small things, and they have to express their opinions regardless of whether they are right or wrong, thinking that it is for the good of the children, but in fact, this is very taboo. Children have their own lives as adults, and parents should give them a certain amount of space to maintain psychological closeness but moderate behavior. (Luoyang Daily Financial Media Reporter Zhu Yanyan)