I am Li Gang, 42 years old this year, living in Yinchuan, Ningxia, and I am an ordinary office worker. I work in a state-owned enterprise, and my life is ordinary. However, my married life can be quite a challenge because my wife, Amina, is a Hui girl.
The first time I met Amina was at my friend's wedding. She was the bride's bridesmaid at the time, and she was very busy, especially sunny. I was attracted to her at first sight, and I have to say that my heart was beating very fast at that moment. Later, through a friend's introduction, we slowly got acquainted with her, only to find that she is not only beautiful, but also very sensible and has a unique charm.
Two years later, we got married. At first, the days were relatively smooth, but since then, all kinds of "bumps" in life have followed. The "hurdles" I am talking about are mainly due to cultural differences and some taboos in living habits.
We had some minor troubles in the first week after we got married. I remember one time, I was about to help cook in the kitchen, when I saw my mother-in-law suddenly come over, block the kitchen door, and say with a smile: "Xiaogang, the kitchen business should be left to Amina." We Hui have some rules, and you, as a Han Chinese, try not to break them. ”
I was embarrassed and unaccustomed to it, I used to be at home and was very willing to go down to the kitchen to help, but in order to respect their family habits, I had to quit the kitchen.
But that's just the beginning. One time we were at the dinner table as a family, and we were about to eat, when I accidentally mentioned a pork dish that I particularly liked. In an instant, the entire table stopped their chopsticks, and the atmosphere was a little stiff. I realized how strict the taboo of pork is in Hui families.
Life went by like this, and despite some minor frictions and dissatisfactions, I felt that I could still adapt. The real challenge was when my father-in-law proposed to make a pilgrimage to Mecca.
That day, when our family was having dinner, my father-in-law suddenly proposed, "Let's go on a pilgrimage to Mecca next year, Xiaogang, and you can come with you." ”
It was a very sudden decision for me, and my eyes widened before I could react. But then I thought that this might also be an opportunity to better integrate into the family. Therefore, I ran to ask the leader for instructions with great expectations, but was rejected by the leader with a sentence of "busy with work". This became a pimple in my heart, and I always felt that I could not make up for the debt I owed to Amina and her family.
In the third year of our marriage, Amina's younger brother came back from out of town and brought some souvenirs that he wanted to share with us. That night, as our family sat around the TV and chatted, Amina's younger brother suddenly revealed a "secret": in their Hui culture, there are many taboos in life between husband and wife.
"Xiaogang, you know what? In our family, it is traditional that husbands are not allowed to do certain things, such as certain holidays and months when husband and wife must live separately. ”
I heard it in a fog, and it turned out that I had always thought that I had not found the problem, but it turned out that these differences in habits were actually at work. Amina looked at me and explained some of the details, and I slowly understood.
The real outbreak was because I took it upon myself to do something for Amina. She was about to go to the mosque in the evening, and I felt I needed to do a favor and offered to send her there. Unexpectedly, she shook her head very resolutely and refused, saying that this was a matter for their Hui people, and it was better for me not to participate.
I really felt hurt and a little lost that time. This dividing line has gradually separated us a little.
Once, I heard a colleague talk about the "run-in" in family marriage, and suddenly I understood a lot. When I got home, I decided to have a good talk with Amina.
"Amina, we need to talk." After dinner, I suddenly said to her.
She looked at me with some confusion, "What's wrong?" ”
"I feel like we have a lot of issues that need to be resolved. Can you explain more of these taboos in life? It also makes me understand and respect better. I said as calmly as I could.
Amina nodded, and then we spent a whole night communicating. She patiently explained to me some of the taboos and cultural background of the Hui people, and I also told her my confusion and feelings. We have come to a consensus that no matter what the problem, we can find a solution by just communicating.
From that day on, I tried to learn as much as possible about the Hui culture and respect their habits. Amina was also trying to understand my position and feelings. We made some compromises and adjustments to each other, and life slowly got back on track.
Now, we have been married for more than 10 years and have two lovely children. Children grow up in both cultures, learning about both the traditions of the Hui and the modern ideas of the Han Chinese. Every festival, our family will celebrate the Hui festival together, and we will also celebrate some traditional festivals of the Han people.
Although there will still be some small frictions in life, through timely communication and understanding, our feelings are getting deeper and deeper. Those taboos and habits that once gave us a headache have now become the unique seasoning in our lives, which has further enhanced mutual understanding and integration.
I have learned a lot through this marriage, especially the importance of respect and inclusion. Amina and I are not only husband and wife, but also partners in life, facing the ups and downs of the future together. Even though we come from different cultural backgrounds, love and understanding allow us to go further and make our families more warm and harmonious.
Over the years of living with Amina, I have come to realize that respecting cultural differences, communicating openly, understanding and tolerance are the foundations of a happy marriage. Every family has its own difficulties and challenges, as long as we face them with our hearts, happiness will not be too far away from us.