1, today and a female colleague to go to the hotel to open a room, finished she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I spoke

1, today and a female colleague to go to the hotel to open a room, finished she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I said: "Is it your mobile phone, I have been waiting for an hour, now people love to lose mobile phones!" Then his husband weakly replied, "Oh thank you." "Give me a thumbs up for my wit."

2. My sister finally got married a month ago and just returned from her honeymoon in Hainan two days ago. Asked me to dinner today, and my sister looked a little upset. I'm a little confused: what's wrong? This is just after the honeymoon and the frown is sad. My sister directly began to cry: My life is miserable! After the honeymoon mother-in-law gave birth to a second child, I have to wait for the confinement before I finish enjoying life.

3. I made an appointment with the girl I chatted with today, and she happily agreed. Asked my mother for 500 yuan, I said dating, and my mother gave it directly. As soon as I left the house, my father said, "500 yuan to give me 250, I haven't smoked for a month." I was not happy to say, "This is my dating money with my girlfriend, can't give it to you." Dad said, "What will you meet, you are going to see me, I have been talking to you for half a month to smoke!" ”

4, colleagues idle to rent a BMW to take me for a ride, the result of bmw on the road broke down. In the dead of night we called a Didi home. As soon as the colleague got into the car, he said to the driver: "Hurry up and turn on the air conditioner, it's too hot." The driver focused on driving the car and said lightly: "Eight precepts, don't make trouble, the air conditioner is broken and can't be opened!" "I couldn't help but laugh out loud, my colleague did look particularly fat. Then I heard my colleague exhale and say, "You said it earlier, we won't get into your car!" ”

5, when I was a child, I always took my cousin to the mountains to find wild fruits to eat, some sweet and sour are particularly delicious, every time my cousin washed me clean, let me eat the first one, and when I ate him and then ate, I was very moved. Until one time after I ate that wild sour plum, my abdomen was severely painful, almost cold, and he didn't fart, I seemed to understand something.?

6, the girlfriend learning is very poor, but because of the beautiful looks, the teacher pushed !!!!!! Recommend her to be a flight attendant. She did not live up to the expectations of everyone and successfully became a flight attendant. Yesterday she came back from a flight and was cleaning the cabin. At this time, I saw a girl sitting in a first-class seat. Girlfriend: "Miss, the plane has arrived, don't get off the plane??? Woman: "Don't worry, I'm waiting for my husband!!! The girlfriend was very surprised, the plane landed, the toilet had long been closed, there was no one, and hurriedly asked: "No one??? The woman said without lying, "In my suitcase!!! ”

7. Before the brother and sister-in-law got married, the two discussed the distribution of divorced property, and finally reached the following agreement: three houses belonged to the brother, and the five-year-old daughter returned to the sister-in-law. Now they are just two steps away from divorce: buying three houses and having a daughter when she grows to five. The sister-in-law's sister-in-law said to the sister-in-law: What is the hurry! If you have already made a divorce agreement, what else will you get married? It's a waste of time.

8. My daughter-in-law's 3rd wedding anniversary will definitely be better than the world of two people. So I sent my 6-year-old son to my mother-in-law's house. We went to dinner, and my wife said, "We're not too bad, my son also likes to eat steak, we should take him with us!" I said, "Bring him next time, it's not bad this time!" The wife had a flash of inspiration and said, "My son doesn't like to eat spicy hot, let's go eat spicy hot!" ”"

9, I and my husband have been married for two years, it just so happens that my husband is a year older than me, last year was his life year, I bought him six big red panties. This year is my life year, and I thought I would have to buy two pairs of red panties to wear. I told my husband about it, and he didn't care. I said angrily: You have red panties to wear in this life year, can't I wear red panties in this life year? My husband looked at me and said, "You can wear mine!" I still have a one that I haven't worn.

10. My wife worked as a temporary worker in an electronics factory because the benefits were not good. She was idle at home all day, idle out of depression, so I invested in her and opened a stationery store in the community. Before I went to work this morning, I went to help my wife sell goods. A young couple bought painting materials for their children, the woman took the mobile phone, read the WeChat sent by the class teacher, asked for gouache, I went to get it, and then I wanted a scraper, I went to get it again, and I wanted a paint box. I was a little angry and said, "Can you finish it all at once?" The man helped and said to his wife: Yes, you walk the monkeys? I......?

11. At the end of the month, the mobile phone package has a lot of useless calls for 500 minutes. I didn't think it was too wasteful, so I called the goddess of my crush. The goddess asked me: Yo, how did you suddenly remember to call me? I said: It's not the end of the month, the talk time is not used up! The goddess said: Hum, you don't need money for your phone, I still need electricity on my mobile phone!

12. Husband: What are the results of this final exam? Son: The teacher gave me a prize. Husband Daxi: Ah! That must have done very well. What prizes are issued? Son: Two pain tablets! My husband wondered: What does this mean? Son: The teacher said that before showing the exam papers to the parents, he told me to eat the pain tablets first! Otherwise I won't be able to stand it! Husband: Ah!

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